


Where The Soul Wanders

by Pishposh86



Category: Umm Stucky
Genre: Afterlife, Don't Judge Me, M/M, My Sister's Idea, New love, Unrequited Love, Whatever Else I Think Of, let's do this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-04 20:39:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 23,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5347808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pishposh86/pseuds/Pishposh86
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Steve" Bucky whispered in the darkness reaching out to touch Steve's face</p><p>"Yeah Bucky?" Steve replied half asleep</p><p>"Where do you think we go after we die?" Bucky asked softly</p><p>Steve opened his eyes and gave Bucky a confused look "What do you mean?"</p><p>"Do you think we go some place special after we die or our do we just wind up  6 ft under as lifeless corpses and bug food?" Bucky replied softly</p><p>"I don't want to talk about this go to bed" Steve replied with a sigh</p><p>Steve rolled over to his side his back facing Bucky. </p><p>Bucky sighed softly "I love you Steve" </p><p>"Just go to bed Buck" Steve replied</p><p>You should have said I love you back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. That's When A Part Of Me Died

**Author's Note:**

> So I know I've got other stories I'm working on but my sister gave me this idea and if I don't get started on it...I'll forget so yeah.

This had to be some fucked up horrible nightmare. It couldn't be real. He just saw him this morning...he kissed his lips goodbye.

"Sir you need to step back please" an officer said sternly

"No please...he needs me. Please just let me..." Steve cried out 

It was then that he saw them pull his lifeless body out. Oh god he looked so broken.

"Bucky no...please" Steve cried out once again try to get past the officer

"No don't take him...no come back" Steve yelled out as he saw the paramedics place Bucky's body on the back of the ambulance and then drive away.

*Moments Later*  
Steve felt his whole entire body go numb as they described what happen. Bucky wasn't paying attention to the lights changing...they were assuming he was busy trying to look for something in his glove compartment. Before Bucky could stop he had already gone on the red light and was struck head on by a guy in a pick up truck. The hit was so strong is caused Bucky's neck to snap back and he died on the spot.

"Do you want to see his body sir" a voice said breaking Steve out of his trance

Steve gave a dead stare "Yes...please"

Steve was escorted to the morgue and walked in. It was so cold...it felt like death.

"I will give you some time sir" a male doctor said softly

Steve didn't respond and just walked over to a table where there was a body being covered by a thin white sheet. Steve slowly pulled the seat back and it took everything in him not to throw up.

"Bucky" Steve whispered as he moved a stray hair from Bucky's face

He felt so cold...everything about him felt so damn cold.

There were scratches along the side of Bucky's face and bruising all over his arms and neck. If you looked closely he still had shards of glass in his hands and arms as well.

"You can't be gone. You just can't...you promised me that you would be by my side forever. Shit Bucky you can't leave me now" Steve cried as he placed a hand on Bucky's cold hand.

Steve quickly covered Bucky's body back up and rushed out of the morgue and then out of the hospital. As soon as he was in the parking lot Steve threw up in one of the bushes hidden on the side of the building.

This had to be some kind of fucked of nightmare. He was going to wake up any minuet now...he knew he was.

*Two years later*  
Steve set the flowers down on Bucky's grave and sat down on the green grass that grew over it.

"I told you I wouldn't forget. I got you some flowers...and see I even remembered how much you loved lilies" Steve said with a soft smile

Steve then chuckled "I remember when I asked you why lilies?"

Steve looked at Bucky's headstone

"You said because roses are so cliche" Steve replied softly

Steve sighed and placed his hand of Bucky's headstone "Jesus Buck I miss you so damn much. I know you've been gone for two years now but it feels like just yesterday. Then with today being out anniversary it makes that much more harder"

Steve cleared his throat "I've told you that I've met someone. Well things have been going great...I just wanted you to know that. You know for a while I didn't want to love anyone else...you were the only one for me...who am I kidding you still are. Sometimes I still feel guilty being with someone else"

The wind began to pick up and Steve smiled

"You trying to tell me something Buck"

Steve stood up from the ground "Why did you have to go Buck?"

The wind once again picked up "Okay sorry to ask such an absurd question. Look I got to go but I promise to come see you tomorrow after work. Happy anniversary Bucky...I love you baby"

Steve gave on last look back at Bucky's grave and sighed sadly. Steve then walked back to his car, got in and drove away. No matter how many times he'd been here it still felt like he was leaving more pieces of himself behind.

*Later on that day*  
Steve usually fell fast asleep after making love but for some reason he just couldn't. Steve turned over to look at his boyfriend and sighed softly. Forcing himself Steve closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep.

-Flashback-  
"Steve" Bucky whispered softly in the darkness reaching out to touch Steve's face

"Yeah Bucky?" Steve replied half asleep

"Where do you think we go after we die?" Bucky asked softly

Steve opened his eyes and gave Bucky a confused look "What do you mean?"

"Do you think we go some place special after we die or our do we just wind up 6 ft under as lifeless corpses and bug food?" Bucky replied softly

"I don't want to talk about this go to bed" Steve replied with a sigh

Steve rolled over to his side his back facing Bucky. 

Bucky sighed softly "I love you Steve" 

"Just go to bed Buck" Steve replied

-End Flashback-

Steve's eyes snapped open

"You should have said I love you back"


	2. So What Do You Say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One More Before Bed :)

Steve awoke to the smell of food lingering in his apartment. Steve sat up in bed and felt beyond exhausted...he hated how his mind raced before bed. Steve got out of bed and put on a pair of black pajama bottoms and walked out of the room.

"Hey babe good morning" Steve's boyfriend said pulling some plates out of the cabinet

"What are you doing?" Steve asked with a soft smile

"Cooking my man some breakfast" 

Steve smiled. His name was Brandon and he was perfect...well almost. They met through a mutual friend at a New Year's party. Steve was a little reluctant but he didn't want to hurt his friends feelings he agreed to meet him. Steve had to admit he was very charming and of course handsome. He had bright green eyes and jet black hair...his skin was almost like porcelain. And of course his body was not so bad either. 

During the party they talked for hours and after the party they kept in contact. They went on dates and just took things slow. Now here they were two years later living with each other. Steve loved him very much...but he still felt that part of his heart missing when Bucky passed away. It never truly healed.

Brandon understood how Steve felt about Bucky and was okay with it. For a while Steve didn't even mention Bucky until Brandon found a picture of him in his wallet. When Brandon asked the first time Steve tried his best to avoid it...but after things began to get serious Steve told him everything about Bucky and Brandon was okay with it.

"You don't have to do that" Steve replied with a soft smile

"Yeah I do so sit down and let me serve you" Brandon replied with a smirk

Steve took a seat and smiled when Brandon placed a plate of eggs and pancakes in front of Steve.

"Wow everything looks great" Steve replied with a huge smile

Brandon leaned in and kissed Steve sweetly "Only the best for you babe"

"Listen I made plans for us to go to dinner tonight. How does that sound?" Brandon asked setting a glass of orange juice on the table for Steve

"Sounds great" Steve replied with a soft smile

"Great well look I have to get going. Sorry I can't stay to join you babe...if I want to get out early to take you out I got to go in a little early"

"Bummer...well okay I'll see you later on tonight" Steve replied with a smile

"Can't wait" Brandon replied as he kissed Steve quickly and rushed out of the apartment

After Brandon left and Steve finished his breakfast Steve walked over to their bedroom closet and pulled out a box from top shelf. Today was his day off so Steve decided before his date tonight with Brandon he was going to have a little time to reminisce. Brandon didn't know about the box...Steve thought that was something for him to know only. It was his personal possession for his eyes and no one else's.

Steve sat on the bed and placed the box beside him and removed the top. Steve smiled when he reached inside and pulled out pictures of Bucky. Steve pulled out a particular one and smiled softly. 

It was a picture of Bucky sitting on the bed Indian style with a book in his lap. Steve recalled taking the picture and Bucky not even noticing it until he heard the noise of the camera afterwards

"Did you just take a picture of me you loser" Bucky said with a smile on his face

"No. You are imagining things" Steve replied with a smile 

"What are you hiding behind your back Steve?" Bucky asked setting his book to the side and getting off the bed

"Nothing" Steve replied backing up slowly

"Liar" Bucky replied as he inched towards Steve and Steve ran away into the living room.

Steve backed up into the couch and laughed as Bucky sat atop of him and pulled the picture out of his hand

"I knew it...you are such a dork" Bucky replied as he smiled down at Steve

"But you love me" Steve replied softly

"More and more every day" Bucky replied as he kissed Steve passionately

Steve was broken out of his sweet memory when his cell phone went off. It was Brandon.

"Hello" Steve answered softly

"I forgot to tell you...our dinner date will be at 8:00. So be ready okay" Brandon replied

"Okay" Steve answered with the image of Bucky still in his hand

"Love you" Brandon replied blowing a kiss into the phone.

Steve looked down at the image of Bucky in his hands "I love you too"

*Later On That Day*  
"So how was your day?" Brandon asked softly

"It was good. Ran some errands, got some stuff for the apartment and that's pretty much about it" Steve replied as he placed a piece of food in his mouth

"Steve look umm...I have something I have to tell you" Brandon whispered softly

Steve set down his fork "Okay"

"Look Steve you know that you mean the world to me. And that I love you very much...everyday I spend with you is a blessing. I don't think I can imagine life without you by my side" Brandon said softly

Steve swallowed the lump in his throat.

Brandon slowly got down on his one knee and pulled out a small velvet box from his jacket.

Steve's eyes widened.

"Steve Rogers...will you marry me?" Brandon asked softly

Steve bit his lip and looked around to find the people in the restaurant staring with smiles on their faces. 

"Well what do you say babe?" Brandon asked with a smile

Steve looked down at Brandon and sighed sadly "I...I...I have to go"

"What?" Brandon asked in shock

"I can't do this right now...please I have to go" Steve replied as he rushed out of the restaurant and to his car.

The last thing Brandon saw was Steve driving off.

*Meanwhile*  
"Open your eyes James" a voice said softly

"Who's there? Who are you?" Bucky asked softly

"Open your eyes and you will see" the voice replied softly

Slowly Bucky opened his eyes...something he hadn't done in a long time. 

"Hello James. I'm Toni" Toni whispered with a smile

"Who are you?" Bucky asked nervously

"I'm your protector...or what you call I guess a spiritual guide" Toni replied with a warm smile

Bucky gave an un-amused glare "This has to be a joke right. I mean why would I need a spiritual guide...I mean I'm no longer apart of the living"

"I know...but Steve doesn't seem to grasp that. And in him doing that he's not letting your soul find peace" Toni replied softly

"What are you saying?" Bucky asked nervously

"I'm saying if you can't show Steve that its okay to let you go...your soul will continue to wander" Toni replied 

"Which means what?" Bucky asked concerned

"You have to show Steve its okay to love...It's okay to move on and let you go. If you don't...well there are consequences" Toni replied with a sad sigh

"How am I supposed to do that? I mean what is he sees me he'll freak. " Bucky replied confused

"The best you can. And well he can't see you but I'm sure he can sense you. The only time he will be able to see you is in dreams. But be careful once he is able to see you It means he still isn't letting you go and might jeopardize you being at peace. " Toni replied firmly

"I don't think I can do this. It's been two years" Bucky replied nervously

"Believe in yourself...good luck" Toni replied with a smile

And with that Toni was gone. And the next thing Bucky knew was he was in someone's apartment and he could hear sobbing.

Bucky slowly made his way towards the crying...it was coming from the living room. Bucky walked in to find a man crying on the couch.

Bucky looked closer and gasped "Steve"


	3. Don't You Think It's Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loving The Comments And Kudos  
> So Far I'm Getting People In The Feels

Bucky was about to walk into the living room until he felt something reach out for his hand and pull him back.

It was Toni.

"Sweet baby Jesus I just died all over again" Bucky whispered trying to getting over the small scare

Toni rolled her eyes "Remember what we talked about and what you are supposed to do"

"Gee how could I forget we only had that conversation five minuets ago. I'm dead not forgetful" Bucky replied with a smirk

"You are also a smartass" Toni replied with a cocked eyebrow as she vanished 

"Hey...language your supposed to be heavenly remember" Bucky replied with a crooked smile

Bucky finally gathered himself together and made his way towards the living room where Steve's crying had calmed. His face was buried in his hands and his back heaving up and down where he was breathing.

More than anything in the world right now Bucky wanted to reach out and wrap his arms around him and tell him "everything was going to be okay".

But he couldn't.

Bucky bit his lower lip and inched closer towards Steve saddened form and ever so slowly like he could still be seen sat on the couch right next to him.

"Oh Steve...I wish you could hear me. I wish I could ask you what the matter was but I can't. You know how much I hate seeing you so sad" Bucky said with a sad sigh

It was then that Steve spoke...his voice breaking "Bucky...why did you have to go? Why?"

Bucky felt his heart breaking "Oh Steve I'm sorry...I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to go...it wasn't my intention"

"You left me here all alone. You promised you would never do that" Steve cried 

Bucky raised his hand to reach out and touch Steve but realized it would be for nothing and pulled his hand back

"I know what I promised Steve. Sometimes things just don't work out like you want them to" 

It was then that the door opened and Steve removed his hands from his face to look up at who is was. 

Bucky couldn't help but smile "Still beautiful"

"Steve...we need to talk" a voice said softly

Bucky looked over towards the door

"Who's this guy?" Bucky thought with a confused look

"Brandon...look I'm sorry about what happen at the restaurant. It's just I don't..." Steve stopped and sighed

It was then that it clicked. This was the guy that Steve would tell Bucky about when he would go visit his grave. This was the new love in Steve's life.

"You don't what? Let me guess Bucky right?" Brandon said with a sigh

Steve remained silent and looked away.

"Steve it's been two years...two years since Bucky died. Don't you think it's about time to let him go...I mean it's not like he's going to be knocking on the door tomorrow morning" Brandon said crossing his arms

Steve glared "I know that. And please do not mock Bucky's death by saying stupid shit"

"Yeah...jerk" Bucky said glaring at Brandon as he still remained seated on the couch

"Well it's the truth. He's gone Steve and he's not coming back. And the moment you come to terms with that we can move on with our lives. I've been as understanding as I can be and tolerated this for as long as I can but baby...it's getting harder. I mean don't you love me?" Brandon asked sadly

Steve looked up at Brandon "You know that I do...but...but I can't marry you. Not yet"

"Not yet? Then when?" Brandon asked sadly

Bucky looked over at Steve. His beautiful and loving Steve. His heart.

"I don't know. I know you are tired of me talking about Bucky...but before Bucky died I had plans to propose to Bucky. It was supposed to actually be the same day that he died...and when you proposed to me it just brought those feeling back" Steve whispered sadly

Bucky could feel his heart breaking. Steve wanted to marry him and if he would be alive today Bucky knew nothing in the world would make him happier...but alas it was never going to happen.

"Feelings for what? A dead boyfriend?" Brandon asked losing his patience

"Is this guy for real?" Bucky asked looking over at Steve

Steve glared at Brandon "If you are going to be an asshole about this I'm done talking about it. And I think I'm done looking at you so I'm going to bed"

Steve got up from the couch and was about to walk to the bedroom until Brandon caught hold of his arm.

"Baby look I'm sorry. It's just I love you so damn much...I just feel like second place next to this guy. A guy who is no longer here amongst us. You just don't know how bad that hurts" Brandon replied sadly

Bucky looked at both Steve and Brandon and sighed softly 

Steve sighed sadly "I'm going to bed"

Brandon released his hold on Steve and frowned "Alright"

Steve walked into the bedroom and threw himself on the bed.

Bucky got up from the couch and walked passed Brandon not before whispering what a douche he was for talking about him. Bucky then walked into the bedroom to find Steve lying in bed...his eyes closed and hugging a pillow. Bucky remembered that pillow...it was his pillow. It had embroidery on it. It was his initials...it was given to him by his grandmother before she passed away from cancer when he was nine.

Bucky sighed softly and crawled into bed and laid his body next to Steve. His eyes were closed...but even then he looked so sad. It was then that Bucky remembered

"He can't see you...but in dreams he can" Toni said softly

Bucky gave one last look at Steve and closed his eyes.

Steve found himself standing in the cemetery that Bucky was buried at. Steve was standing over Bucky's grave.

"More then anything I wish you were here right now" Steve whispered softly

"I'm here Steve" Bucky whispered softly

Steve thought he was losing his mind "Hearing voices now...Jesus"

Bucky chuckled "Turn around Steve"

Steve stiffened and turned around slowly. Right then and there he felt like he was going to pass out.

"Bucky" Steve whispered softly

Bucky smiled and the wind began to pick up. The leaves on the floor began to circle around them. Bucky's hair blowing in the wind.

"Hi Steve" Bucky whispered softly

"Are you real?" Steve asked approaching Bucky slowly 

"Here I am" Bucky replied softly

"I'm dreaming aren't I?" Steve asked with a sigh

Bucky nodded and finally stepped up to Steve.

"So you aren't back for real? Are you?" Steve replied sadly feeling a bit stupid

Bucky's face fell "No. But I'm here now and that's what matters right?" 

Steve sighed softly "Right. So can I touch you?" 

Bucky smiled and raised his hand and placed it on Steve's cheek "Always so warm"

Steve began to cry and placed his hand over Bucky's 

"Don't cry love. It's okay" Bucky whispered caressing Steve's face

"No it's not. I don't have you with me so no everything is not okay" Steve replied sadly

"Baby you don't need me around. I'm gone now and I'm not coming back...I know that sounds harsh but it's the truth. The love we shared over those years I will cherish forever but I know you have someone else who loves you just as much as I did and still do" Bucky replied softly

"But I don't love him like I loved you. I'm sorry Bucky but I'm not ready to let you go. I know it's been two years but I just can't let you go. I don't think I ever will" Steve replied in tears

Bucky sighed softly and laced his hand with Steve's "Oh Steve...I love you"

"I love you too" Steve replied sadly

"You know I don't want to let you go but you have to wake up now okay" Bucky whispered softly

"What? No I'm not ready to go yet...I don't want to leave you" Steve pleaded 

"Don't worry love...I'll be waiting right here when you dream again. I promise" Bucky replied softly

Steve sighed and pulled Bucky into his arms "Please don't break your promise okay"

Bucky sighed and smiled " I won't"

Steve touched Bucky one last time before letting go.

Bucky opened his eyes and looked over at Steve who's eyes were still closed. It was already morning and time for Steve to wake up. Bucky sighed as he noticed that Steve was smiling in his sleep. 

"If only it was real" Bucky whispered softly

"I would give anything to make it real"


	4. Signs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I had time before work

Steve walked into the kitchen to find Brandon pouring himself a cup of coffee

"Hey" Steve whispered softly

"Good morning" Brandon replied simply not making eye contact with Steve

"Hey...look I'm sorry about last night" Steve replied softly

"It's fine. Look I have to get going okay. I'll see you later okay" Brandon walked over to Steve and kissed him sweetly on the cheek

"Okay" Steve replied as he watched Brandon walk out of the apartment

Bucky watched as Steve got opened the cabinet and pulled out a mug. Steve then walked over to the coffee maker and pulled the pot out and poured himself some coffee.

"Ugh I always hated when you would forget to close the cabinets" Bucky groaned out as he walked over the the cabinet.

"Wait what am I doing? It's not like I can touch it and it's gonna close" Bucky chuckled to himself

But of course his curiosity got the best and Bucky placed his hand on the cabinet. And without even trying the cabinet shut.

Steve jumped at the noise and turned around quickly.

Bucky pulled his hand away "Ohh...shit"

Steve walked over to the cabinet and touched it. He knew he had forgotten to close it so how the hell did it just close on it's own.

"I think I'm losing my mind" Steve whispered as he walked out of the kitchen

Bucky watched Steve...having so close to him made him feel like he was alive again. 

Steve exhaled a deep breath and placed a hand on his chest "That was too close"

Later on Bucky watched as Steve got dressed and ready for work. Bucky frowned Steve looked so drained...almost as if there was no life left in him. 

"Oh Steve what happened to you baby?" Bucky whispered softly 

*Later on that same day*  
"Look I'm gonna be late getting home. Just start dinner without me okay" Brandon said from the other end of the phone

"Are you sure? I don't mind waiting for you" Steve replied with a soft smile

"No I'm sure. Don't want you to go hungry because of me" Brandon replied softly

Steve chuckled "We wouldn't want that to happen huh?" 

Brandon remained silent. Things still were a little off between the two after Steve told Brandon he couldn't marry him yet...but Steve still wanted to make it up to him and fix things.

"I'll let you go okay" Brandon replied softly

"Okay see you later" Steve replied and then hung up the phone

Steve threw himself back on the bed and sighed in frustration. Slowly Steve let his eyes slide shut.

"What's the matter?" Bucky asked from behind Steve

"I just...I always keep messing things up" Steve replied sadly

"What happen to you baby? Why are you always so sad? Please don't tell me it's my fault?" Bucky asked sadly

Steve looked around. They were in the same spot as in his first dream with Bucky.

"Do we always have to see each other in a cemetery?" Steve asked with a sigh

Bucky smiled softly "No we can be where ever you want us to be"

"Really? How?" Steve replied softly

"Just close your eyes and think of somewhere. A place that makes you happy" Bucky replied with that beautiful smile that melted Steve's heart

Steve shut his eyes and then opened them. 

Bucky smiled "Why did I have a feeling you would choose this place"

The two were now standing in the park. Not just any park but the park where Steve first asked Bucky to be his boyfriend"

"I love this place" Steve replied softly

"So tell me...what's wrong?" Bucky asked walking up to Steve

"I just...I keep messing things up. Life just hasn't been the same without you" Steve replied 

"I know it's hard but you have to try. You have to at least make an effort to move on without me. It's hard to not to be by your side but...there's nothing I can do to come back. I wish there was but there isn't. This other man who you've been seeing...he loves you right?" Bucky asked softly

"Yes he does" Steve answered softly

"Then what's the matter?" Bucky asked locking eyes with Steve

"He's not you" Steve replied heartbroken

Bucky sighed sadly "I'm sorry...I'm so so sorry"

"I have to wake up now don't I?" Steve asked with a frown

Bucky smiled sadly and nodded "I'll be waiting for you. See I make good on my promises"

"All but one" Steve thought to himself

"Before you go...please remember to shut the cabinets okay. It drove me nuts when you didn't close them. I remember when I ran into one because you left it wide open" Bucky said with a smile

With that Steve eyes flew open "It was him"

Steve quickly rushed into the kitchen. No one was in there...the harsh reality of emptiness slapped Steve in the face 

"You are going insane. You need help" Steve told himself

Steve was about to walk out of the kitchen but something told him to stay.

Inhaling a deep breath Steve spoke "Bucky...If you are here please...please give me a sign"

Bucky watched in silence as Steve closed his eyes when no one answered and a sign wasn't given 

"Me and my stupid mouth. Idiot" Bucky scolded himself mentally

Steve hung his head sadly " I'm so stupid. What am I doing?"

Bucky couldn't leave Steve to hurt just like that and looking to his side he grabbed at the closet thing next to him. It was a coffee mug...the same one Steve left on the counter this morning.

Ever so slightly Bucky moved it over a few inches. Steve's eye widened in shock.

"Holy....Bucky is that you?" Steve asked softly

Bucky bit his lower lip. He couldn't exactly say yes...Steve wouldn't be able to hear him.

"If it's you move the mug again" Steve replied nervously

Bucky inhaled a deep breath and once again moved the mug only this time he didn't pay attention to how much force he put into and the mug fell to the floor and shattered.

"Shit...I'm sorry" Bucky said as if Steve could hear his apology

Bucky looked up to see Steve...tears pooling in the corner of his eyes.

"Oh Buck...I knew you never truly left. I knew in some way you were still with me" Steve cried

Bucky smacked his forehead. He let his emotions get the best of him...it just he couldn't bare to see Steve hurt

"What did you just do?" Bucky whispered to himself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Bucky: http://sebastian-stan.com/imgs/displayimage.php?pid=13835&fullsize=1
> 
> My Steve: http://41.media.tumblr.com/ecccf2ee1baae1fe2cbccc3e91aec714/tumblr_nu9yqeWni01tudumgo1_500.jpg


	5. Quit While Your Ahead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last one for today...maybe ;)

The next morning Steve awoke in a good mood. He hadn't really awoken in a good mood in such a long time. 

Bucky couldn't help but smile as he watched Steve walk into the kitchen to pour himself some coffee. 

Brandon raised an eyebrow "Well your in a good mood"

"Well it's a great day isn't it?" Steve replied flashing a smile at Brandon

Brandon couldn't help but let a smile creep onto his face "Well I hope the mood last"

"Me too" Steve replied softly

"Well I have to get going okay. I'll be home on time today to...so what do you have in mind for dinner" Brandon asked setting his mug down

"I'm fine with anything" Steve replied the same smile plastered on his face

"Well I'll call you later and you can more or less give me an idea" Brandon replied as he walked towards the door and walked out.

Steve walked over to the door and made sure Brandon was gone. When he felt he was in the clear Steve rushed back into the kitchen.

"Bucky? Bucky are you still here?" Steve asked softly

Bucky swallowed the lump in his throat. What was he supposed to do? If he didn't let Steve know he was still here it would break his heart. He couldn't bare to do that again.

"Buck?" Steve whispered nervously

Bucky finally caved and thought of another way to give Steve a sign that he was here.

"Think Think" Bucky thought to himself

"Buck come on. If you are here uhh here move this magnet on the fridge" Steve said as he moved the magnet to the middle of the fridge

Bucky smiled "Never one to think on the spot babe"

Bucky moved over towards where Steve was standing and placed his finger on the magnet. Slowly Bucky began to drag the magnet from the middle of the fridge towards the top where it first was.

"I wish I could see you. I mean I know you are here but I wish I could hold you" Steve whispered sadly

"Me too Steve" Bucky whispered softly

"Well as long as I know you are still here. Look I have to get ready for work...promise you'll still be here" Steve whispered softly

Bucky looked at Steve and moved the magnet back and forth "You can't here me but that's the best I can do"

Steve smiled "I'll take that as your word"

Bucky watched as Steve got changed and ready for work. It took everything in Bucky to not try and reach out and touch every inch of Steve's lovely body. It was a risk he couldn't take.

After Steve left and bid Bucky an "I'll see you later" Bucky sat alone in an empty apartment.

"What are you doing?" a voice said sternly

"Here we go" Bucky whispered under his breath

"What? What did I do wrong now?" Bucky replied with a roll of his eyes

"The signs...are you kidding me? You are supposed to help him move on...not give him false hopes that will hold him back from doing such" 

It was then that Toni appeared before Bucky looking frustrated.

"I'm sorry but...I just can't leave him hanging like that. As far as false hope...he knows I'm not coming back" Bucky replied softly

"Well then stop while you are ahead. You keep doing this and he will never move on and your soul will never find peace. It will wander forever because you refuse to let go" Toni replied angrily

"But I can't" Bucky whispered sadly

"What?" Toni asked in confusion

"I can't let him go...I wasn't ready to in the first place. I was robbed and now that I have this chance I don't think I'm ready to let him go just yet. I...I love him" Bucky replied softly

"Okay so tell me how are you going to make this work when Steve can't even see or hear you. Not only that he can't touch you." Toni replied sternly

"We have the dreams" Bucky replied softly

"And that's all they are James. Just dreams that will not come true. Now you listen to me...you either learn to let him go or I will be forced to step in and you don't want that" Toni replied firmly

Bucky bit his lower lip "Okay...I'm sorry"

"Ugh I swear...why me?" Toni whispered and then vanished

"She's just so pleasant" Bucky thought to himself

*Later on that day*  
Steve came home first around 7:30 and dropped his satchel on the couch. Without even a pause Steve rushed into the kitchen.

"Bucky I'm home. Are you still here?" Steve asked with a smile

Bucky hung his head sadly.

"Here do the magnet again" Steve said moving the magnet back to the middle of the fridge

Bucky walked over to Steve and sighed "I can't"

"Bucky come on" Steve pleaded 

Bucky placed lifted his hand and placed a finger on the magnet. With a sad sigh Bucky pulled his hand back and let it drop to his side

"Oh Steve...I'm so sorry" 

Steve waited but nothing ever happened "Are you mad at me?"

"I could never be mad at you" Bucky replied sadly

When Steve realized that nothing was going to happen his hung his head in sadness. 

"I should have known you would break your promise" Steve replied his voice laced with hurt

Bucky looked up and felt his heart shatter.

Shutting his eyes Bucky did was he was told exactly not to do.

Steve was about to walk to the bedroom but a noise stopped him in his tracks. It was the magnet...it was moving.

"I knew you would still be here" Steve whispered wiping the tears away

Bucky sighed softly "I'm sorry Toni...but I made a promise. I just can't let him go...not just yet"


	6. What The Eyes See

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My lovely fresh out of work updates

Steve locked eyes with Bucky "Why didn't you tell me? Why?"

Bucky moved a strand of hair from his face "You...you weren't supposed to know"

"Why? Did you think I would be upset?" Steve asked walking up to Bucky

Bucky sighed " No...it's just you weren't supposed to know I was there. And then I screwed up by closing that cabinet...ugh it drove me nuts when you would leave the cabinets open"

Steve chuckled and smiled softly "It's nice to know you are around. Even if I can't feel or hold you...I'm just happy you are there"

Bucky smiled "I'll always be there"

"Bucky...if I kissed you would you feel it?" Steve asked shyly

"In dreams I can...why? Did you want to kiss me?" Bucky asked with a smirk

"More than you can imagine" Steve whispered softly

Bucky blushed and locked eyes with Steve. Ever so slowly as if to make the moment last forever Steve leaned in and placed his lips on Bucky.

Bucky gasped into the kiss. Oh how it felt to have Steve's lips on his once again. The kiss started slow and sweet until it began to grow more passionate by the minuet.

Bucky then broke the kiss and smiled softly trying to catch his breath "How long had you been holding that one in?"

Steve blushed "Shut up"

Bucky caressed Steve's face "You know I'm just teasing love"

Steve's smile then faded.

Bucky noticed this and sighed "What's the matter?"

"I wish this was real and not some dream. It just isn't fair" Steve replied with a frown

"I know but even though this is a dream...we still have each other" Bucky replied softly

"I wish I could say that's enough...but damn it Bucky I just wish I could have you with me for real. It's hard that I can only see and feel you here" Steve replied his voice breaking

"I know that. What did you think this is easy for me to? That I have to see you so sad and broken and there is nothing I can do to make you feel better. How do you think I feel knowing that I can't reach out and touch you?" Bucky replied the hurt in his voice strong

"I'm sorry Bucky...I didn't mean to sound selfish" Steve replied sadly

"You should go Steve...please just go" Bucky replied with a frown

"But I'm not ready to go yet" Steve replied softly

"I know but...someone is coming" Bucky replied softly

"Will you be here when I come back?" Steve asked concerned 

Bucky didn't reply and just gave Steve a sad look

"Bucky?" Steve whispered softly

"Baby wake up" a voice said waking Steve up from his dream

Steve's slowly opened his eyes to see Brandon standing over him.

"You were talking in your sleep baby? Are you okay?" Brandon asked with a soft smile

"Wait...I feel asleep on the couch" Steve whispered sitting up on the couch

"Must have been a long day at work. Listen how about I order some take out and you can go get some rest" Brandon said kissing Steve's forehead

"Wait? I thought you were mad at me" Steve said with a confused face

Brandon sighed softly "I was. I won't lie when you left me in that restaurant it hurt...but look I love you and you mean a lot to me so I want to fix this. Staying mad at you won't  
help"

Steve smiled softly and got up from the couch. 

Bucky watched as Steve made his way from the living room and towards the bedroom. He then let his eyes rest on Brandon...he was a very handsome man. He could see the love in his eyes towards Steve when he walked away.

Bucky felt happy seeing that look in Brandon's eyes...but at the same time there was a hint of jealousy. And he felt bad for feeling that way. This man clearly loved Steve and Bucky felt bad because he was in the way. Maybe Toni was right...he needed to stop doing this to Steve. He needed to let Steve go and live his life.

Bucky stood up from his spot on the couch and walked up to Brandon as he looked at a menu stuck on the fridge 

"You have no idea how lucky you are to have him" Bucky said as he made his way towards Brandon and into the bedroom with Steve

Bucky took in a deep breath and looked over at Steve's sleeping form

"You can do this. You have to let him go...you just have to. No matter how hard it hurts" 

Bucky closed his eyes and opened them. 

"I was afraid you weren't going to be here after everything I said" Steve said softly

"I know you didn't mean it. Sorry I got so upset" Bucky replied with a frown

"You had every right. I know next time it will be different right?" Steve replied reaching out for Bucky

Bucky gave a sad smile "Steve we need to talk"

"Okay sure" Steve replied with a smile

"Steve this will be the last time you will see me here. It will also be the last time I will be around your apartment. I know it's hard but we will never be able to move on if we keep doing this" Bucky replied sadly

"What are you saying?" Steve asked nervously

Bucky began to tear up "I'm saying that I need to let you go...and you need to let me go. You clearly have a man that loves you as much as I did when I was alive. I can't take that from you and as much as I wish I could I can't come back and be with you. I'm gone Steve...and you need to accept that. Just like I've been a fool to accept that I can't be with you because of the same reason" 

"So you are just going to leave again?" Steve asked with a scoff

"Steve please understand I'm doing this for us" Bucky replied sternly

"I won't let you go...I swore that if I ever had another chance to have you in my life I would never let you go. And I'm not letting you go" Steve replied softly

"Damn it Steve...stop being so stubborn. Listen to me...I'm dead and I'm not coming back. MOVE ON" Bucky yelled out in frusration

"NO" Steve yelled back

"What do you mean no? Steve...you can't be with me. And I can't be with you...but you can be with Brandon. Grow old and love each other forever...like we said we would" Bucky said trying his best to convince Steve to move on but nothing was working.

He knew Steve loved with all his heart...so he wasn't surprised how stubborn Steve was about letting him go.

"I don't love him" Steve replied sternly

"Yes you do...and that's okay. I'm happy you found love" Bucky replied with a warm smile

Steve growled in anger "I don't love him because he isn't you. Bucky when I told you that you were the only one for me I meant it"

Steve walked up to Bucky and pulled him in close "Your it for me Bucky. You always have been. Please don't leave me"

Bucky buried his face in Steve's neck "I'm sorry Steve...but I have to"

"No you don't...no you don't" Steve whispered over and over

"Steve please...please let me go" Bucky cried 

"I'm sorry but I can't" Steve replied 

Bucky cried "I hate you...why can't you ever just listen for once"

It was then that Steve's eyes flew open. Then Steve turned over in his bed and felt his heart pounding so hard he felt like it was about to explode.

Bucky locked eyes with Steve. Why did he look so scared?

Bucky's eyes grew wide. It was then that Bucky knew what the look in his eyes was for.

"You can see me? Can't you?"


	7. Say Anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early Morning Update.   
> Glad You Are Still hanging in there with me  
> And of course thanks for hit,comments,and kudos.

Steve didn't say a word and just simply nodded his head up and down.

"Oh my god. How is this happening?" Bucky whispered to himself

"Excuse me while I freak the fuck out" Steve whispered

"What? No...no. Please don't freak out" Bucky pleaded sitting up in bed

Steve was about to open his mouth to say something until Bucky slapped his hand over his mouth to keep him quite.

Bucky gasped. Not only could Steve see him...but he could feel him.

"Oh my god...I can feel you" Bucky whispered his hand still over Steve's mouth

Steve mumbled something under Bucky's hand.

"What? Oh shit...I'm sorry. Wait. Before I move my hand...promise me you won't scream or freak out okay" Bucky said softly locking his bright blue eyes on Steve

Steve mumbled and then shook his head in agreement.

"Okay I don't know what you said but I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt" Bucky replied softly 

Slowly Bucky removed his hand and waited for Steve's reaction.

"Steve? Are...are you okay?" Bucky whispered softly

Steve didn't respond and just gave Bucky a dead stare.

"Will you please say something" Bucky pleaded 

""Your hands are cold" Steve whispered softly

Bucky smiled softly "I'm sorry"

Steve shook his head no and gripped Bucky by the wrist and pulled him in close. 

Bucky gasped at the feeling. Steve felt so warm and he smelled the same...Bucky would always say that Steve's had the most warm and inviting smell that is was hard not to want to cuddle up next to him.

Bucky looked up to see Steve looking down at him with that look in his eyes that only Bucky knew. It was the look Steve gave Bucky whenever he walked into the room, when Bucky would be sitting on the couch right across from him reading a book. It was nothing but pure love in those eyes.

Slowly as if not to spook Bucky Steve leaned in an placed his lips flush against his.

Bucky felt alive again in that moment. Steve's lips were so warm and soft...he tasted just like he remembered him...sweet. Bucky let his eyes slowly slide shut as he relished in the feeling...the feeling of being kissed by the only person in the world who held his heart in his hands.

Bucky slowly opened his and the gasped pulling away from the kiss...not realizing how far off the bed he was Bucky fell onto the floor

"Bucky what's the matter? Was the kiss that bad?" 

Bucky didn't say a word and just lifted his hand and pointed to the door.

Steve followed Bucky's eyes and gasped "Brandon...umm hey"

Brandon gave Steve a concerned look "Are you okay?"

Steve looked down at Bucky who looked confused.

"Umm yeah why?" Steve replied softly

"Because I heard you talking...so I walked in and there in no one here" Brandon replied with a soft chuckle

"He can't see me" Bucky whispered to himself

"He can't see him" Steve thought to himself

Both Steve and Bucky couldn't help but let out soft sigh of relief.

"I'm fine...guess I've been talking in my sleep again. I didn't mean to worry you babe" Steve replied with a nervous smile

Brandon gave a pout "Well umm...dinner is here"

"Great...let me just wash up real quick and I'll be right there" Steve replied with a sweet smile

"Okay" Brandon replied and gave one last look at Steve before walking out of the bedroom

Steve got off the bed and helped Bucky up.

Steve gave a weak smile "I have to go...will you still be here when I come back"

Bucky smiled softly "I'll be here...it's just so strange now. I can't believe you can see me but he couldn't"

"Well maybe because your for my eyes only" Steve whispered softly

Bucky rolled his eyes "Just go before he comes back in here"

Steve gave Bucky a small kiss on the forehead "I'll be back in a few"

"Okay" Bucky replied softly

"I love you Buck" Steve said before walking out

Bucky smiled softly and watched Steve walk out

"I love you too"


	8. Can A Heart Still Break Once It's Stopped Beating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Free Time Before Work

"What do you think you are doing?" a voice said from behind Bucky

Bucky shut his eyes and turned around "Look I remember what you told me...it's just I couldn't bare to see him hurt like that again"

"Part of healing is hurting James. Now the fact that you won't let him go either is making him able to see you" Toni replied sternly

"That's why he can see me" Bucky asked confused

"Yes. The fact that he refuses to let you go and the fact that you encourage him not to...he can now see you. And it's going to make it that much harder for you to do what you were supposed to in the first place" Toni replied in frustration

Bucky bit his lower lip "I'm sorry"

"I'm taking care of this myself" Toni replied with a sigh

"No...no please. Please just give me some more time...another chance" Bucky pleaded

"NO" Toni replied sternly

Bucky sighed "Toni have you ever been in love?" 

"Excuse me?" Toni asked with a raised eyebrow

"I asked you if you have ever been in love" Bucky whispered softly

"A long time ago" Toni replied softly

"Then you know what it's like. You know what it's like to fall in love with someone...to give them your heart. You see Steve was and still is my heart...when I first met him it was like everything in my life fell into place. I know I'm supposed to let him go...but...it's just not that easy for me to do it. I tried forcing him away in his dreams but Steve has always been so damn stubborn" Bucky replied with a sad sigh

"I hate when people pull the love card on me. Look I'll give you another chance...and because I know how you feel about him I'll give you an extension" Toni replied softly

Bucky raised an eyebrow "Extension?"

Toni sighed softly "I'm giving you a month with him...to spend some time with and just enjoy each others company. After the month you have to let him go...you just have to. If you don't then that's when I'll step in...and no matter how much you beg I'll still do it" 

"You'd do that for me?" Bucky asked softly

"Just don't ask questions and just take advantage of the time I've given you alright. But remember what I said...alright"

With that Toni was gone once again. Bucky sat in Steve's empty bedroom and waited for Steve to return. It was then that the door flung open and Bucky looked up to see Brandon and Steve locked in a kiss

"Umm...Steve he may not be able to see me but I can see him. I can see both of you" Bucky thought to himself

Bucky watched in awkward silence as Steve and Brandon continued to kiss. Brandon pushed Steve closer and closer to the bed until the back of his legs hit the edge of the bed and with a gentle shove Steve fell back onto the bed.

"What's dinner without dessert? What do you say babe" Brandon whispered as he removed his shirt

Bucky gave an un-amused look "That was so cheesy"

Brandon leaned in and returned to kissing Steve. Steve whimpered into the kiss and he felt Brandon's finger trail under his shirt making goosebumps under his skin. Brandon then broke the kiss and smiled softly caressing Steve's cheek.

"I love you Steve" 

Steve bit his lower lip "I...I love you too"

Bucky felt his heart break...but how can it break if it didn't beat in the first place. Bucky knew he could never give Steve the kind of attention he was getting now because he was no longer alive. Who was he kidding? He was such an idiot.

Bucky had to get out of here...and fast.

After more passionate kissing both Steve and Brandon's clothes littered the floor as they slid under the sheets. Brandon hovered over Steve as he let his hands roam Steve's body possessively. Steve gasped feeling Brandon's hand slide lower to the most private part of him and began to tease Steve.

"Brandon please...no more teasing. I'm ready" Steve whispered with such a need in his voice

Bucky knew he shouldn't be watching such an intimate moment but he just couldn't grasp that someone else was making Steve feel such a way. It was then that Bucky closed his eyes and remembered the first night he and Steve made love. 

*Flashback*  
"Are you nervous? Steve asked with a soft smile

"Is it that obvious" Bucky replied with a soft chuckle

"Well a little...but I mean you are shaking like a leaf" Steve replied pulling Bucky flush against him

"I'm sorry it's just I've been waiting to share this moment with you since I first met you. You don't know how much I love you Steve" Bucky whispered with a smile

Steve blushed "I love you too babe. Now rather then I tell you...let me show you just how much I love you" 

Bucky gasped feeling Steve begin to trail kisses down the back of his ear and down his collar bone. God it felt so fucking wonderful.

"I can't wait to kiss every...single...inch of you" Steve whispered in a deep seductive tone that sent an intense feeling all over Bucky's body.

After kissing and the sweet nothings being whispered in each others ears Steve crawled his way atop of Bucky and looked down at him with such intense admiration.

"I love you with all my heart Bucky. I'll never need anyone else in my life as long as I have you by my side" Steve whispered into Bucky's ear

Bucky felt such pride in knowing that. And with that Bucky placed his hands on Steve's face and pulled him down for a sweet kiss.

"Make love to me Steve. Make me yours forever" Bucky replied after breaking such a heated kiss

It was then that Steve slowly pushed his way into Bucky. Both gasped at the feeling of being joined in such an intimate way...the feeling was incredible.

"Fuck Steve...fuck you feel so good inside me" Bucky whispered softly 

Steve shut his eyes tightly as he began to move inside Bucky. Fuck he felt better then he imagine...everything about him was so fucking perfect.

"Bucky...uhh...I love you...mmm God" Steve moaned out as he thrust deeper and harder inside Bucky loving every whimper that fell from his lips.

"Ohh...uhh...I love you too baby. Fuck I love you" Bucky cried out

Steve opened his eyes to see Bucky below him writhing around in ecstasy. His hair stuck to his forehead due to the sweat dripping from there...his mouth slightly opened with that perfect O.

"Bucky...fuck I'm so close. Fuck" Steve moaned out

"Me too...oh god come inside me Steve...please" Bucky begged 

With that Steve stiffened and came deep inside Bucky mumbling over and over how much he love him.

"I love you Steve" Bucky whispered kissing his sweat drenched forehead

"I love you too Brandon" Steve replied

With that Bucky was snapped right out of his flashback

Bucky slowly opened his eyes to see Steve and Brandon asleep on their bed. Both spent from the love making they just shared.

Bucky sighed sadly "Toni...I need you"

It was then that Toni showed up "What happen? What's the matter?"

Bucky didn't say a word and Toni turned to see what Bucky was looking at

"Oh James. Are you okay? You know this was bound to happen sooner or later. There is nothing that we can do about it either...we can't stop them. As much as it hurts this is apart of life" Toni replied softly

Bucky felt the tears rolling down his cheeks "I changed my mind. I don't need the month"


	9. My Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to take this time to say...I'm sorry about all the feels  
> I know this story has been an emotional roller coaster but it's for a reason.  
> But I promise happy times are a comin' alright. They are a comin'

"Are you sure? I mean you don't think that you should take some time to make sure this is what you want?" Toni replied with a concerned face

Bucky shrugged "Look at him Toni. He doesn't need me around. I mean he's happy"

Toni reached out and took Bucky's hand in hers "James look you are just hurting right now. And like I said before it's apart of life...well Steve's life. He can't just put everything on hold just for you. Even if he know's you are here"

Bucky remained quiet and looked up at Toni with those blue eyes. He looked like a lost puppy.

Toni squeezed Bucky's hand and sighed "Look I know you are hurting right now so you really aren't thinking clearly...so just take some time and if you still feel the same way. Well I'll revoke my decision" 

Bucky frowned "Alright"

"Let me know okay...please be careful and take care of yourself James. Just don't get to attached...I know it's hard but just try" Toni replied and with that she was gone again

*Later on that night*  
"Bucky? Are you here?" Steve asked in a whisper

Bucky appeared "Yes. I'm here"

Steve noticed how sad Bucky looked and reached out for him but was shocked to see that Bucky moved away from his touch.

"What's the matter? Did..did I do something wrong?" Steve asked sadly

Bucky didn't respond and hung his head sadly. It was then that it clicked for Steve.

"Oh Bucky I'm so sorry. I...shit...I just got caught up in the moment and with everything that has been going on in my life for the past few weeks...I just needed to get away from everything. I just needed a moment for me...so when Brandon began to you know...well I just couldn't stop myself"

"You don't have to explain. I mean besides its not like you and are together...right?" Bucky whispered softly

"Bucky...please...I just..." Steve was stopped by Bucky placing his hand over Steve's mouth

"I'm leaving. And this time I mean it...this is getting to hard. Seeing you and him together...it made me realize there is no room for me...not anymore.There used to be when I was alive...but its different now" Bucky replied with a soft smile

Steve placed his hand over Bucky's and slowly removed it. 

"I'm sorry" Steve whispered softly as he laced his hands with Bucky

"Me too" Bucky replied with a weak smile

"I really don't want you to go" Steve cried softly

"I'm not really going. As long as you still have a place for me in your heart...I won't be far" Bucky whispered softly

And with that Bucky kissed Steve sweetly on his cheek and smiled.

It was then that Bucky began to hum...Steve began to cry softly when Bucky began to sing

"If you're thinkin' of me like I'm thinkin' of you  
Then I know what you're thinkin' of  
If you're lovin' me like I'm lovin' you  
Baby, we're really in love"

"Don't cry Steve...I think you've done enough crying for me already. Be happy okay" Bucky whispered into Steve's ear

"Are you sure you have to go" Steve pleaded

"I'm sure...I love you. Don't ever forget that. Goodbye Steve" Bucky whispered

And with that Bucky was gone and Steve was alone in his dream.

Steve's eye snapped open and he was met with a Brandon's sleeping form and a dark room. Steve looked around the room and he couldn't see Bucky...was he not able to see him again.

Steve got out of bed and slid on a pair of pajama bottoms and rushed to the kitchen.

"Bucky? Bucky please are you here? Where are you?" Steve whispered softly

Nothing...no response aside from the silence that filled the kitchen and the dripping of the kitchen sink.

It was then that Steve turned to look at the magnet on the fridge. Steve moved it to the middle of the fridge and waited.

Nothing. No movement. Just like that Bucky was gone. Steve fell to his knees and buried his face in his hands. He lost Bucky once...never did he think he would ever lose Bucky all over again.

*Time Passed*  
No matter how hard he concentrated in his sleep...he would never show up. It's like he just disappeared. Bucky was really gone.

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. And Steve counted every single day that Bucky was gone. It was now going on 3 months...sure Bucky was no longer apart of the living but when he was with him in those dreams and he had him that day in his bed and kissed him. Well it felt like Bucky was never gone.

Steve tried his best to move on with his life. He even accepted Brandon's marriage proposal after realizing that Bucky was never going to come back.

"What are you thinking about babe?" Brandon asked softly

"Oh nothing...just thinking about me and you. You know finally making if official" Steve replied with his best fake smile

"Are you excited?" Brandon asked with a smirk

"Very...I can't wait" Steve replied softly

"Me neither. It's nice to have you back...for a while I thought you were gone. You seemed so lost and depressed...I was really worried" Brandon replied with a frown

Steve looked out his apartment window "I know but I'm okay now"

"Look I have to get going okay. Look how about me and you get out of here tonight. You know go out to a movie or something" Brandon replied leaning over and kissing Steve's forehead

"Sounds great" Steve replied with a smile

"Okay. Well I'll see you later okay" Brandon said as he walked out of the apartment leaving Steve alone.

Steve sat in the silence until he couldn't bare it any longer. Steve walked to the counter and grabbed his key and then his jacket hanging from the couch and walked out of the apartment.

Steve drove until he found himself in an all to familiar place. Steve got out of his car and walked until he stopped.

Steve sighed and looked down at Bucky's grave.

"Hey Bucky"

Silence 

Steve sighed "I really miss you. I just wanted to come by and tell you that. It's been a while since you've come to me in my dreams. And well since the last time I was able to see you. "

"Why did you have to go Buck? I mean I know you meant well and you were just trying to help me...but for you to leave again. I just don't understand. Maybe I'm just being selfish" Steve whispered softly

"Well I have to go. I hope where ever you are Bucky you are happy" Steve said with a soft smile 

Steve bent down and removed a small piece of brush that covered Bucky's headstone.

Steve then stood up right and was met with Bucky staring right back at him.

"Bucky" Steve gasped 

Bucky smiled "Steve"

Then as quickly as Bucky appeared he vanished.

Steve shut his eyes and sighed. Steve then turned his back and made his way back to his car.


	10. When It All Becomes To Much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small Update While My Little Man Is Sleeping  
> He's A Little Under The Weather Today

Steve sat on the couch and kept his eyes glued to the TV as Brandon trailed kisses down his neck. For some reason Steve just wasn't in the mood...to be quite honest Steve wasn't really in the mood ever. But for the sake of not hurting Brandon's feelings Steve of course gave Brandon what he wanted the best that he could.

"Brandon quit" Steve whispered softly

"Make me" Brandon replied in a deep seductive tone

Steve smirked "You'd like that wouldn't you?"

Brandon didn't reply and placed his finger under Steve's chin to make him face him. Steve gave a surprised gasp as he locked eyes with Brandon.

"So fucking beautiful" Brandon whispered as he then kissed Steve passionately.

Steve moaned into the kiss as he their tongues fought for dominance inside his warm mouth.

By the time they both knew it both Steve and Brandon were under the sheets. Hands exploring each others body, breathing becoming heavy and adrenaline pumping. Steve looked up at Brandon...he was in full concentration as he worked Steve's body to the brink. 

"Fuck Steve....I fucking love you so damn much" Brandon groaned out biting down on his lower lip

Steve whimpered softly and let his eyes slide shut.

"Steve? Why do you keep doing this to me? I thought you loved me?" a voice asked sadly

"Who's there?" Steve called out

"Ohh shit...Steve I don't think I can hold out much longer" Brandon whimpered increasing the speed of his thrust

"It's me Steve" the voice answered

It was then that a form appeared.

"Bucky" Steve gasped

"Why do you keep doing this to me? Why Steve? Why?" Bucky whispered as he began to sob softly

"Bucky please...you don't understand" Steve cried out

"Ohh FUCK" Brandon cried out as he stiffened and came deep inside Steve

"BUCKY" Steve cried out

Brandon froze "What the...Bucky? Are you kidding me?" 

Steve eyes snapped open 

"Shit" Steve thought to himself

"You were thinking about your dead boyfriend while I was fucking you? Are you kidding me Steve?" Brandon replied in frustration

"No...no you don't understand" Steve replied nervously

"I think I understand fully well. Look Steve...this has gone far enough. We are about to get married and all you can do is think about him"

"What am I supposed to do?" Steve replied angrily

"MOVE THE FUCK ON. Look if you can't let him go then there is no reason for me to be here" Brandon said getting out of bed

"No wait...I'm sorry" Steve said sadly

"I'm going to take a shower" Brandon replied as he walked into the bathroom and slammed the door behind him

Steve threw himself back on the bed and began to sob softly

"Fuck fuck" Steve thought as he buried his face in his hands.

*The Next Morning*  
Steve awoke to find himself alone. Brandon was gone and didn't even say goodbye or see you later...then again could he blame him. He did only call out someone else's name out while they were sharing intimate moment.

Steve poured himself a cup of coffee and took a seat at the table.

"What's the matter with me? Why can't I seem to get a grip" Steve thought to himself 

It was then that Steve got sight of the kitchen cabinet. Steve sighed softly and made his way over to it...inhaling a deep breath Steve opened the cabinet and left it open. Steve then made his way back to his seat at the kitchen and waited.

"Please" Steve whispered 

Once again the disappointment of nothingness and silence.

"Fuck this" Steve cursed out

Steve walked into the bathroom and opened the cabinet above the sink. There it was...that stupid bottle of lies. It was a bottle of medication that was given to him not that long after Bucky passed away. He was told that it would help mellow him out and help his depression. That was a load of crap.

Steve popped opened the bottle and placed his hands on the edge of the sink. Was he really about to do this?

Yes he was. He was just so tired...he couldn't deal with this anymore. Sure he had Brandon but he would be lying if he said he still felt the same way as before Bucky came to him in his dreams. Everyday was getting harder and he was just tired of pretending that nothing was wrong.

Steve lifted the bottle and tilted his head back. Then before even a pill could drop into his mouth the bottle flew out of his hand and hit against the wall making the pills fly and scatter all over the floor.

Steve's eyes grew wide.

"What the fuck are you doing?" a voice from behind Steve said in anger

Ever so slowly Steve turned around and was met with the most angry but beautiful blue eyes. Eyes that he could never forget...no matter how hard he tried.


	11. Without You

"Bucky" Steve whispered reaching his hand out to Bucky

Bucky smacked Steve's hand away "Where you going to do what I think you were just going to do"?

"I...I" Steve struggled 

Bucky inched closer to Steve and placed both hands on the side of Steve's face "Answer me"

Steve looked away "Yes"

Bucky glared "Are you that fucking stupid? I mean really please tell me you aren't that dense" 

Steve sighed sadly "I'm sorry Bucky. It's just this is getting really hard. What am I supposed to do?"

Bucky removed his hands from Steve's face "Live. That's what your supposed to do. Doing what you were about to do won't solve anything. It's not going to bring me back"

Steve frowned "I know that but at least I'll be able to be with you"

Bucky growled in frustration and walked out of the bathroom. Steve shut his eyes and sighed...he knew he fucked up. 

Steve soon walked out of the bathroom and met up with Bucky who was standing in the kitchen looking out the window.

"What happen to you Steve? Bucky asked sadly

"What are you talking about?" Steve asked confused

"This is isn't you. You aren't the man I feel in love with. What happen to him?" Bucky asked softly

Steve looked away "He died when you died"

Bucky turned around and locked eyes with Steve.

"No he didn't. He's in there somewhere...the man I fell in love with would never let something like this ruin his life. He would persevere and live his life to the fullest every single day because he knew that's what matters...that's what's right. 

"Well you're wrong" Steve replied sternly

Bucky sighed "Well then I guess everything about how we lived and loved together was wrong. I knew who I fell in love with and the person standing in front of me isn't him"

"So what did you just come here to give me the third degree?" Steve asked harshly

"NO...I came here to get you to wake up. Wake up and start getting a grip on your life...because" Bucky stopped and hung his head sadly

"Because what Buck?" Steve asked sternly

Bucky looked up "Because you never know when it can be taken from you"

Now Steve really felt like an ass

"Fuck...Bucky I'm sorry. It's just being without you everyday is hard. I mean we've been in love with each other since high school...I mean there is no one to replace a love like that. You were and are my whole world. The day you died...I felt like my heart stopped beating when yours did. I mean how do you go on without your heart?" Steve replied his voice breaking

Bucky didn't say a word and walked right up to Steve and embraced him a tight hug. You know those hugs that you give some one you haven't seen in years and the finally after so long there they are and you just want to make yourself apart of them.

Steve sighed...Bucky always gave the best hugs and the fact that he was able to feel it again meant the world.

Bucky looked up at Steve and smiled "I hope this is helping"

Steve looked down at Bucky and caught his lips in a passionate kiss. Bucky moaned into the kiss and laced his hands around Steve's neck.

Steve then broke the kiss "I don't understand...how am I able to touch and feel you? I mean you are you know"

Bucky chuckled "Dead"

Steve gave a soft sigh "Yeah"

"I really don't know. But who are we to question it" Bucky replied softly

Steve smiled softly and resumed to kissing Bucky once again. It was now Bucky's turn to break the kiss.

"Please promise me you will never do anything stupid like that again. Please" Bucky whispered softly

Steve placed his hand on Bucky's cheek "I'm sorry and I promise. Just promise you won't go anywhere and leave me like that again"

Bucky smiled softly "Okay. I promise"

Steve took Bucky's hand and laced it with his and kissed the back of Bucky's hand

"I love you Buck" Steve whispered softly

Bucky felt a tear roll down his cheek. God he loved this man so damn much it was almost painful.

"I love you too" Bucky replied softly

It was then and there that no matter what the consequences were Bucky was never going to leave Steve's side.


	12. Well That Was Awkward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my day off so...yeah.

"So what's the problem?" Bucky asked following behind Steve as he watched his moving back and forth in his bedroom

"I...I'm just...I just seem to turn into a mess whenever I see them" Steve replied pulling out another shirt from the closet

"I'm sure this isn't the first time you've met them...has it" Bucky asked softly

Steve sighed "No of course not...it's just I don't know why I feel like I'm gonna always say something stupid around them" 

"Well if you keep thinking so much about it you just might. So just relax" Bucky replied with a sweet smile

Steve groaned "I'm trying"

It was then that Bucky began laughing.

Steve cocked an eyebrow "What's so funny?"

Bucky stopped with a smirk on his face "Nothing...nothing at all"

Steve walked up to Bucky who was sitting in the middle of the bed and pulled him by the wrist making Bucky gasp.

Slowly Steve began to kiss Bucky's neck making Bucky shiver.

"I'm not going to ask again. What's so funny?" Steve whispered in a deep tone

"Okay okay...stop it tickles" Bucky replied with a soft chuckle

Steve stopped and waited for Bucky to stop laughing.

"Well" Steve said with a smile

Bucky smiled "I just remembered how it was when you first met my parents. You were a nervous wreck...you almost passed out before we even go to the door"

Steve pouted "Ugh I can't believe you remember that. That was so embarrassing...I though your parents were going to hate me" 

"Well you were wrong. They loved you...it was so cute though to see you so nervous. It just showed how much you cared about making a good impression" Bucky replied with a soft smile

"Of course...because I knew that there was going to be a day when I was going to make you my husband and spend the rest of my life with you" Steve replied softly

Bucky's smiled faded slowly "Yeah...I know"

Steve suddenly felt like a douchebag for saying that "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry"

Bucky smiled softly "No...no it's okay. Umm look you should finish getting ready and umm I'm going to wander off for a little bit"

Steve gave a nervous look.

"I'm not leaving if that's what you are thinking okay. I just need a few minuets for myself alright" Bucky replied with a soft smile

"Okay well I'm going to have to head out in a few to meet with Brandon and his parents so in case I'm not here I'll see you later okay" Steve replied with a gentle smile

Steve finished getting ready and waited a few more minuets for Bucky to pop up but he gave him his space and left to meet up with Brandon and his parents

"So how are things going?" a voice said softly

"Okay I guess" Bucky replied with a sigh

Toni took a seat next to Bucky on the balcony and smiled softly "Liar. What's the matter? Why so bummed?" 

"Well I came back because I know Steve needed me but it's just hard to hear him talk about how things used to be. You know how our life together before my accident was" Bucky replied with a frown

"Well of course James. It's never going to be easy going over how things were beforehand but you can't dwell on that. Just enjoy the time that I have given you and make the most of it" Toni replied with a soft smile

"He was going to ask me to marry him Toni. Ugh what I would have give to be his for the rest of my life. Now I'll never know" Bucky replied sadly

Toni pulled Bucky into a warm hug "Oh James I'm sorry you are hurting. I wish I could help but I can't do much about that area. Look cheer up and just to hang in there. Remember you have a month...don't dwell on the negative just be happy with Steve while you still have this time here"

"I know" Bucky replied with a sad sigh

"You know if you need me just call okay" Toni replied and with that she was gone

Bucky sighed and made his way back inside to be greeted with an empty apartment.

"Guess he's gone" Bucky thought to himself

*Meanwhile*  
"So Steve are you nervous about getting married?" Brandon's mother asked with soft smile lifting her glass of wine to his lips

Steve smiled softly "Well I'd be lying if I said no" 

Brandon looked over at Steve and smiled softly. Steve loved the loving looks he would give to him...but of course they didn't come close to Bucky's looks.

*Flashback*  
Bucky had the most intense blue eyes that even just a quick glance from him made Steve weak. When Steve first met Bucky in high school he was smitten rather quickly. Then when Steve was finally courageous enough to talk to Bucky he choked. He just couldn't help it...Bucky was just that damn breathtaking. Finally after being dragged by his friends during an after school prep rally Steve was face to face with the man who left him speechless.

"Hi" Steve blurted out loudly

Steve's friends slapped their hands over their foreheads.

Bucky smiled softly "Hi"

Steve turned to look at his friends and gave a nervous look. His friends motioned to him to keep talking.

Bucky noticed this and smirked "Are those your friends?"

Steve turned quickly "What? Oh yeah...would you like to meet them"

"Do you want me to meet them?" Bucky asked with a smile

"Umm...I..." Steve was so tongue tied he felt so stupid. 

This was his chance and now he's blowing it.

"Are you okay? You seem...nervous" Bucky said with a raised eyebrow

"No...I'm fine. I just...look I came over here because...because I...fuck" Steve struggled

Bucky stepped up to Steve and placed his hand on Steve's arm

"I know why you came over here. And I think it's cute...I know you like me and have been wanting to tell me for a while now" Bucky whispered softly

"Wait...you knew this whole time" Steve asked in shock

Bucky smirked "I'm not blind and I'm not dumb either. I see the way you look at me in the hall and I notice how tense you get. It's quite adorable" 

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I just can't help it...I do like you. It's just you are so damn beautiful I would choke every time I get close to you" Steve replied nervously

Bucky blushed "You think I'm beautiful"

Steve smiled shyly "Incredibly"

"Well umm where are my manners...I know it's late after everything we just said but better late then never. I'm James...but everyone calls me Bucky"

Steve smiled and took Bucky's hand "I'm St..."

Bucky chuckled "Steve...I know"

"Do you want to meet my friends now?" Steve asked with a smile

Bucky nodded " Sure"

And with that Bucky proved to Steve right then and there he was brave. Bucky took Steve's hand and laced their hands together. Steve looked over at Bucky with a shy smile.

Bucky smiled softly "I think I like holding your hand. It feels...right" 

*End Flashback*

Brandon looked over at Steve.

"Babe are you okay? You kind of zoned out on us" Brandon asked with a soft smile

Steve shook his head and looked to see Brandon and his parents looking at him with a puzzled look.

"I'm sorry I was just thinking about...never mind" Steve replied looking down embarrassed

"Wait don't tell me...Bucky right?" Brandon said with a scoff

Brandon's parents gave a confused look 

"Who is Bucky darling?" Brandon's mother asked with a soft smile

"Should I tell them or you?" Brandon asked with cocked eyebrow

"I don't think we should talk about this here. Can we just please forget about it" Steve pleaded in a faint whisper

"Bucky is Steve's deceased boyfriend whom he never truly got over" Brandon blurted out coldly

Steve gave an embarrassed glare "Brandon come stop"

"You see Steve was madly in love with Bucky until he passed away in a car accident. It's been two years and Steve is still obsessed with him...it's kind of disturbing but I've been learing how to deal with it. I don't know how many times I've told him to let him go...but he just doesn't listen"

"Oh Brandon it's hard for some people...you don't know how he felt for this young man or what they shared. Don't be so callous about the subject" Brandon's mother replied softly

"Well I think it's ridiculous Paula. The man has been dead two years...I think that's enough time to get over him. Not like he's going to pop right in here and take Steve away" Brandon's father replied with a chuckle

Steve looked over at Brandon's father with a sad stare.

"Joseph. How rude...apologize to the poor boy" Paula said harshly

"I will not. This boy is about to marry our son...he's got a great man and he's obsessing over a corpse" Joseph replied lighting a cigar

Steve felt like he was about to puke and began to feel the tears roll down his face.

"Oh no...look what you've both done" Paula said sadly

Paula got up from her chair and reached out to hug Steve but Steve shied away.

"How could you do this? You know how much Bucky meant to me and you use him against me to embarrass me" Steve said in tears looking over at Brandon the pain in his eyes apparent.

It was then that Brandon felt like the scum of the earth. It was just everytime Steve talked about Bucky it made him so angry with jealousy that it came out the wrong way.

Paula attempted to reach out to Steve again but Steve stood from his seat.

"I'm sorry but I have to go. My apologies to both of you and...I have to go" Steve said as he turned and rushed out of the restaurant

*Back At Steve's apartment*  
Bucky sat on Steve's bed as he looked through pictures that Steve had put away in a box atop of his closet.

Some made Bucky laugh and others made him want to cry. Bucky then found a letter that he wrote to Steve one their first anniversary

My Dear Steve,  
Do you know why I love you so?  
Because to be loved by you is to have the whole world  
under my feet.

Love always and forever  
Bucky

Bucky smiled and was about to put the note back until he heard the door open. Bucky rushed to the living room to find Steve on the couch crying.

"Steve what's the matter?" Bucky asked softly

Steve looked up at Bucky and cried but didn't say a word.

What could have happened to make Steve so sad?


	13. Point Made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little before work update on this lovely day

Bucky sat on the couch by Steve and wrapped his arms around his crying form.

"Steve? Please tell me what's wrong" Bucky whispered softly 

Steve was about to open his mouth to speak until the apartment door opened and in walked Brandon looking as guilty as ever.

Bucky glared at him "Ugh you are so lucky I can't wring your neck right now"

Brandon frowned as Steve looked up at him with tears in his eyes.

"Steve...I'm so__" Brandon was cut off before he could even finish

"Don't...don't you dare think that a simply I'm sorry is going to make it better. You know how much he means to me. You know talking about him is still a very sensitive subject for me. You knew and you still took it upon yourself to use that against me and humiliate me if front of your family. I opened up to you about Bucky because I trusted you...because I love you. Why would you do this to me" Steve asked letting his tears fall freely

Bucky was in shock. This bastard used how Steve felt about him to hurt him.

"Oh my god. To be alive again just so I could punch you in your stupid face" Bucky thought to himself

Brandon sighed "Look what do you want me to say? It's just you talk about him and I just get so jealous...I know it's stupid but I wish you would talk about me the way you talk about him. I mean this has been going on long enough. I love you Steve...I've asked you to marry me. What else am I supposed to do to show you I deserve the love and admiration that you gave to him" 

"Stop being an ass would be a start" Bucky thought with a cocked eyebrow

"Try to be compassionate. Understand that healing takes time...you will never understand because you've never gone through it. Rather than humiliate me...understand me" Steve replied softly

"I must be the biggest asshole on the earth right now" Brandon replied softly

"Oh look at that we agree on something" Bucky replied with a smirk

Steve looked over at Bucky with a raised eyebrow.

"What? Tell me you don't agree" Bucky replied crossing his arms

Brandon then walked up to where Steve was sitting and took his hands in his.

"What I did...there is no reason for it. I just want you to love me too. I'm so sorry about everything and about my father as well...it's just I don't want to lose you. It's just sometimes I feel like I'm competing for your love with someone who is no longer here and you don't know how bad that kills me. I mean if you have to put more love into someone who is gone then I must be doing something wrong" 

Steve sighed softly "Your not doing anything wrong...like I said you just need to be more understanding. If you have never gone what I've gone through...don't poke fun and don't judge"

Brandon sighed softly "I'm sorry. Do you...forgive me?" 

Steve looked over to where Bucky was standing. Bucky sighed and nodded.

"Okay...but I swear if you ever do that to me again...I will kick you square in the balls" Steve replied with a smile

"Got it" Brandon replied softly

"Look I'm going to bed alright. I'm tired" Steve said getting up from the couch

"Okay babe...I'll meet you there in a bit just going to get something to drink really quick" Brandon said with a smile

Steve walked into the bedroom as Brandon walked to the kitchen and pulled out a cup from the cabinet

Brandon then pulled out the pitcher of water from the fridge and poured himself a glass of water

Drinking the water quickly he placed the pitcher back in the fridge and placed the glass in the sink. Only he forgot one thing.

"Close the damn cabinets I can't stress that enough" Bucky groaned out as he slammed the cabinet shut

Brandon jumped at the loud slam and his eyes grew wide 

"Swear to god" Bucky mumbled

Brandon swallowed the lump in his throat and rushed to the bedroom

Steve sat up in bed "Are you okay?" 

Brandon looked over at Steve. He looked scared out of his mind but tried to play it off

"Uh...yeah yeah" Brandon replied as he quickly got into bed

Steve smiled "Goodnight Brandon"

Brandon replied with a simple "Mhm"

"Goodnight Buck" Steve whispered softly

Bucky smiled as he placed sweet kiss on Steve's cheek "Goodnight"

"And thanks for that little scare you pulled on Brandon" Steve added with a soft sigh as he let his eyes slide shut

Bucky chuckled "No problem"


	14. It Doesn't Matter What They Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello...update time :)

"Are you sure you're okay?" Steve asked with a raised eyebrow as he placed another forkful of pancakes in his mouth

"Yeah I'm fine. Why do you ask?" Brandon replied as he looked around the kitchen

Steve smirked "Because you've done nothing but look around this kitchen like your waiting for something to happen"

"I have hmm...I guess I didn't notice. Well umm look I got to get going alright. Are you still going to see your mom today?" Brandon asked grabbing his satchel from the couch

"Yeah...I called her yesterday to let her know" Steve replied with a smile

"Aright well I hate to rush out of here but I...gotta go" Brandon replied as he rushed out the front door

It was then that Bucky popped up with a huge grin on his face

"Are you sure you want to marry a guy who spooks like a little girl?"

Steve rolled his eyes "What you did was pretty rotten...but for me it was hilarious"

Bucky walked over to Steve and placed a kiss on his forehead

"Are you feeling okay? You know after everything that happen yesterday" Bucky asked with a concerned look

"I think so. I mean he did apologize and I'm sure he meant it...so I think things will be okay" Steve replied with a soft smile

Bucky groaned "Just because he apologizes doesn't mean that it's all okay. Steve he shouldn't have even done that in the first place"

Steve sighed "I know Buck...but it won't happen again.

Bucky rolled his eyes "Sure it won't"

Steve eyes narrowed "Will you just let it go already. I mean what's the big deal...he apologized already. I'm not going to milk it any further"

Bucky glared "Are you kidding me? The big deal is I have to see you in tears because you are to naive to let this guy go even after everything he has done and said to you. If someone spoke to me like the way he speaks to you I wouldn't waste my time any further."

"Well it's not like you have to worry about it Bucky. It's not like you are alive" Steve replied but suddenly slapped a hand over his mouth after realizing what he just said

Bucky frowned and looked away "I may not be alive but that doesn't mean that I stopped feeling and loving. I love you and I worry about you...but if you don't want me to then I'll just leave you alone"

Steve sighed sadly "No Buck please...I'm sorry"

"It's fine Steve...I'll just see you later" Bucky replied as he walked into the bedroom

Steve got up from his seat to rush into the bedroom to apologize again but Bucky was gone.

Steve sighed "Shit"

*Later On That Day*  
"Oh Steve...babe how are you?" her voice said wrapping Steve into a tight embrace

"I'm fine mom. How are you doing?" Steve asked closing the door behind him

"Alive and kicking still and that's all that matter. Where's the boy toy?" She asked with a smirk

Steve groaned. He loved his mother but sometimes she could be a bit too much at times...but he knew she meant well. Bucky loved her to death and loved coming to visit...he remembered all the jokes they cracked and their laughter heard from the kitchen.

Steve would always hear Bucky say "Sarah you are just too much"

"He's not my boy toy mom. He's my fiance" Steve replied with a chuckle

"Fiance...which is a nice way of saying boy toy" Sarah replied with a huge grin

Steve chuckled softly.

"Do you want some coffee? I was just about to make some?" Sarah asked walking into the kitchen

"Sure" Steve replied as he walked around in the living room and looked at all the pictures in the wall. Steve smiled at all the pictures until his eyes stopped on one. In the picture was Steve and Bucky sitting on the couch hands laced together and Bucky placing a kiss on Steve's cheek. Steve had a huge smile on his face...a smile he was sad to say he hadn't shown in a long time.

"That's my favorite picture of you two. Every time I looked at you I saw love" Sarah replied with a soft smile

Steve didn't say a word and just smiled sadly.

"Are you okay babe?" Sarah asked concerned

"I think so...I don't know" Steve replied with a frown

"You miss him don't you?" Sarah asked softly

"Every single day of my life. I know it's been two years but it hasn't felt like it's been that long...Brandon tells me I should just move on already and try my best to forget him" Steve replied softly

Sarah scoffed "How dare him. The love you shared with James was powerful...you've been together since high school. You can't just simply forget him"

"Well Brandon thinks I should...he tells me because we are getting married that I should. Maybe he's right" Steve whispered sadly

Sarah walked up to Steve and cupped his face "No one should tell you how to feel. No one"

Steve teared up "I know"

"Let me ask you something Steve. Are you happy? I mean do you want to marry this man and spend the rest of your life with him?" Sarah asked locking her blue eyes on her son's blue eyes.

"I do...I mean I did. Oh mom...I do love him...but sometimes the things that he says hurt. And to be quite honest...I don't think I could love anyone like I loved Bucky. No one could ever replace him. I mean I thought when I met and talked to Brandon I was ready to move on...but I'm not. I'm just not...what am I going to do?" Steve asked breaking into tears

Sarah embraced her son "You do what you feel is right. It doesn't matter what they want. It matters what you want...no one can tell you what do to or tell your heart what to feel. You know whatever you decided I will always be here for you"

Steve smiled softly and embraced his mother "Thanks mom...I love you"

Sarah smiled. She was right...Steve had to do what was right.


	15. It's Funny How Time Flies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You To Everyone For The Lovely Comments  
> They Mean More Than You Know

Steve walked into the apartment feeling more conflicted then ever. Steve took off his coat and tossed it on the couch with a sigh.

Steve then walked in the kitchen to find Bucky there staring at the calendar.

"Bucky?" Steve whispered softly

Bucky didn't respond and only kept his gaze locked on the calendar. Two weeks...that's all he had left. After that it was time for him to go and let Steve go for good. How can someone put a date on that. Not only that Bucky's last week was the week that Steve and Brandon were going to marry.

"Buck? Say something" Steve pleaded

"Isn't it funny how time flies" Bucky whispered softly

"What are you talking about?" Steve asked confused

Bucky nodded and smiled softly "Nothing. I'm just rambling"

Steve stepped up to Bucky "Listen about earlier...I'm sorry. For everything I said...It wasn't right to throw that in your face"

Bucky smiled sadly "It's okay...It's true after all. Look I'm sorry to...I shouldn't have kept pushing the subject. It's just you don't know how hard it is to see you hurting and there's nothing I could do to make you feel better"

Steve reached out and took Bucky's hands in his "Just being here I think is enough"

Bucky sighed "I wish I could be here in a different way other than the way I'm here now. I wish I was here for real and not just some ghost lurking around"

Steve chuckled and was about to open his mouth till the door was heard opening and Brandon called out Steve's name

Bucky pouted "Guess I'll see you later huh"

Steve frowned "You don't have to go"

"We all have to go sometime" Bucky replied softly

Steve looked down and then back up only to be staring ahead at nothing. Bucky had vanished.

Brandon walked into the kitchen with a smile "There you are gorgeous"

Steve smiled weakly as Brandon wrapped his arms around his waist. 

"I can't wait that in a only a few weeks you are going to be mine forever" Brandon replied burying his nose in the crook of Steve's neck

Steve shut his eyes trying to keep the tears from falling. Steve then opened his eyes to find Bucky standing before him. 

Bucky reached out and caressed Steve's face. It was then that Steve couldn't hold back the tears and Bucky frowned and wiped Steve's tears away with his thumbs.

Never would Steve imagine he would be in this position. Brandon still had his arms wrapped around Steve possessively while Bucky caressed his face sweetly.

Bucky leaned in and whispered into Steve's ear "Don't cry...everything will be okay. I promise" 

Steve shut his eyes again and once again when he opened his eyes Bucky was gone.

Finally Brandon released his hold and turned Steve around to face him

"Baby are you crying? What's the matter?" Brandon asked sweetly

Steve couldn't speak...he couldn't even open his mouth to form words. The emotions he was feeling was just overflowing.

"Aww baby I know why you are crying" Brandon whispered wiping Steve's tears away

Steve looked up sadly.

"Your just happy...I think we both are beyond happy about getting married. Well save the tears for the wedding okay" Brandon replied with a gentle smile as he pulled Steve in for a warm embrace

Steve just shut his eyes and waited for this day to be over.

*The Next Day*  
"Oh Steve you look so handsome" Sarah said with a huge smile on her face

"Oh yes I agree with your mother...you look quite dashing Paula said with a smile

Steve smiled weakly and looked into the mirror in front of him. There he was standing with his tux on...it was your traditional wedding tux but his tie was a bright red and it just somehow tied everything together. Steve chose the color red...why? Well red was Bucky's favorite color.

"Are you excited to finally be getting married dear?" Paula asked with a huge grin

Steve kept his gaze on the mirror "I'm going to go change"

With that Steve walked past Sarah and Paula and headed back to the dressing room.


	16. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating again...because I can

"Are you okay Steve? You look like something is bothering you baby" Bucky asked softly sitting at the kitchen table a mug of coffee in his hands

Was is that obvious?

"I'm fine I'm just thinking" Steve replied with a smile as he sipped his coffee

Bucky smirked "What are you thinking about?" 

Steve blushed "Stuff"

Bucky cocked an eyebrow "What kind of...stuff?"

"Bucky if I were to ask you for something...something very important. Ugh I don't know quite how to say this...I feel stupid" Steve replied sighing in frustration

Bucky stood up from his seat and walked over to Steve and laced their hands together 

"Steve you know you can ask me anything. You know no matter what it is...I will always love you regardless" 

Steve smiled and kissed Bucky's lips "Okay...well I... Look can we talk about it over our dinner date tonight"

Bucky nodded with a smile "Sure"

It was then that Bucky caught sight of the clock "Oh crap...that's the time. I'm going to be late...I'll see you later okay"

"Okay" Steve replied as he watched Bucky rush out of their apartment.

Steve waited leaning on the counter "In 5,4,3,2..."

It was then that Bucky rushed back into the apartment and over to Steve catching his lips in a quick kiss

"Couldn't leave without doing that...love you babe. Now I got to go" Bucky said with a wink before rushing out of the apartment

*End Flashback  
That was the last time Steve had with him...the last time he kissed those lips. It was because not even an hour after Bucky left was when Steve got that call that changed his life forever.

Now this was his life...sitting in the middle of a crowded room with people he didn't even know. Mainly everyone was here for Brandon...his closest friends and of course family. Steve wasn't one for the crowded rooms and the big parties but Brandon was.

"Are you enjoying yourself babe?" Sarah asked walking up to Steve

"You know I'm not really one for the party scene. I didn't even want a rehearsal dinner or party...whatever it's called" Steve replied with a sigh

"I know but his parents are throwing it for you both...you know you don't want to be rude and say no" Sarah replied softly

Steve frowned "I know"

"Hey are you okay? You know every since we left from picking up your tux you've been well...I'm just worried about you" Sarah replied concerned

Steve bit his lower lip and locked eyes with his mother "Mom if I told you something...would you trying to be understand if I told you"

"Oh god...you didn't kill anyone did you" Sarah asked with wide eyes

Steve glared "Mom...really?"

"I'm just teasing. Look whatever you have to tell me you know I will understand...I'm your mother and I love you" Sarah replied placing her hand on Steve's cheek

"Mom...I...these past few weeks. These past few weeks...I've been seeing and talking to someone who was very important to me" Steve replied softly

"I don't understand babe you got to explain to me a little bit more" Sarah replied confused

"Mom...I've been talking to Bucky" Steve replied softly

Sarah was a bit take aback by that confession. Was Steve that lonely and depressed that he would resort to talking to his deceased boyfriend. Something was wrong.

"Sweetie...baby James is gone. How can you be talking to him ?" Sarah asked softly

Steve swallowed the lump in his throat 

"I can see him mom...I can see him in my dreams and I can even see him around the apartment. Only I can see him and no one else. I know that this sounds crazy but you have to believe me" Steve replied with a soft smile

Sarah could feel her heart breaking for her son.

"Oh Steve. I know you miss James but baby he isn't coming back...he's gone. When we are in mourning especially about people who meant so much to us we see and hear anything just to keep them close to us. But Steve...James is not coming back and I know how much you loved him with all your heart but he's in a better place and I think it's lovely you are trying to keep his memory alive...but that's all they are Steve and that's all they will ever be. Memories." 

Steve felt his heart drop "I thought you said you would understand me. I didn't think you would make me feel bad for telling you. I know what I've been seeing and I know Bucky is still here. I don't care what anyone else thinks" 

Sarah reached out for her son only to have him pull away 

"Forget it mom...I'm sorry I told you. Just...please don't worry about me because I know how you can get"

Steve was about to walk away until his name was heard 

"And there he is folks...isn't he a looker" Brandon said over the microphone is his hands

"Come up here Steve...let everyone take a better look at you" Brandon said extending his hand out

Steve sighed and with a bit of hesitation he took Brandon's hand and joined him on the stage.

"Steve I just want you and everyone to know...being with you has been the happiest time of my life. You are my world and I can't wait to share the rest of my life with you. I love you Steven Rogers and I can't wait to make you my husband"

Steve smiled nervously as Brandon placed a sweet kiss on his lips.

Steve smiled weakly.

"I love you" Brandon whispered into Steve's ear

Steve shut his eyes and frowned "I love you too"

It was at that moment that Sarah realized...she couldn't let her son marry this man. It wasn't because he was a bad man...but because she knew that her son's heart belonged to someone else.


	17. Please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Staying worm with an update

A few days after the dinner party...Steve got a call from his mother. She sounded worried and a tad bit nervous.

"Mom? Are you alright? What's the matter?" Steve asked concerned 

"I'm fine. Listen I just need to talk to you about something okay. When can you come over?" Sarah asked softly

"Well I can try to be there in about an hour. Is that okay?" Steve replied 

"That's fine...just be here okay" Sarah replied softly and then she hung up.

Steve put tossed his phone on the couch and sighed. He was just so tired and overwhelmed with everything that had been going on in his life. It was just a shock to him how he was managing to deal with all of it.

Steve smiled softly feeling a hand on his...the familiar feeling of soft skin brushing against his calming his uneasy nerves.

"Are you okay babe? Talk to me" Bucky whispered softly

"Yeah I'm fine" Steve replied trying to sound as convincing as possible

Bucky cocked an eyebrow. Steve was good at lying...but when it came to lying to Bucky...he was never any good at it. 

Steve locked eyes with Bucky and sighed

"I'm sorry Buck...I just...I don't know what to do about everything that has been going on in my life. I've never been so lost in my life" Steve replied sadly

"Just relax. You've always been one to get wound so tight when things became to hard" Bucky replied softly

"No I haven't" Steve replied with a glare

"Steve...really" Bucky replied with a smirk

"Come here" Bucky replied softly

Steve sighed and let his body stretch out across the couch and his head lay on Bucky's lap.

"Bucky...don't be mad okay" Steve whispered nervously

"Here we go. What did you do?" Bucky said with a soft sigh 

"I kinda...I kinda told my mom about you" Steve replied softly

Bucky chuckled "Are you serious? You told your mother about your dead boyfriend lingering around your apartment. Oh to be a fly on that wall"

Steve looked up at Bucky with a glare "Your sense of humor is a lot to be desired babe"

Bucky smirked "Oh shut up. So how did Sarah take it?"

"I think if my mom wasn't to sure about sticking me into a psych ward...I'm sure she's got all the assurance she needs now" Steve replied with a chuckle

Bucky looked down at Steve "Oh come on. You know your mom adores the hell out of you. I'm sure she doesn't think you are crazy"

Steve pouted "She tried to be understanding. As understanding as someone can be about such a subject...but I just think I made her more worried about me. She's knows I've been a bit off since you passed away. She's been trying everyday since the day you passed to everything possible to make me happy. I owe her so much. I'd be lost without my mom" 

Bucky smiled softly "I love your mom. She's just the sweetest woman in the world. I miss her"

"She misses you too" Steve replied softly

Bucky smiled softly until Steve sat up and locked eyes with Bucky. 

"Every time I looked into those eyes of yours it was like everything in my life fell into place" 

Bucky smiled softly and placed his hand on Steve's cheek 

"You are such a cheese ball" 

Steve gave an un-amused glare "I have to go"

Bucky chuckled as he watched Steve get up from the couch.

"Where you off to now?" Bucky asked softly

"Well my mom said she needed to talk to me so yeah" Steve replied grabbing his coat and keys

Bucky stood from the couch and walked up to Steve placing his hand on his chest.

"Please...please no more comments about your dead boyfriend to your mother"

Steve glared at Bucky "Your a jerk"

Bucky smirked "Have fun...love you"

Steve rolled his eyes "A major jerk"

*Later On*  
Steve walked in to his mother's house. It was quite and something about the atmosphere felt a bit uneasy to him.

"Mom? Mom are you here?" Steve called out 

Nothing. No response. 

Steve walked into the kitchen...empty. It was then that Steve made his way upstairs and placed his hand on his mother's bedroom door. It was slightly open.

"Mom?" Steve whispered as he pushed the door open

There she was sitting on the bed.

"Mom? I've been calling you? Are you okay?" Steve asked softly

"I'm fine...but Steve...we need to talk" Sarah replied softly

Steve walked to his mother and sat on the edge of the bed "Is everything okay? I mean you sounded different on the phone"

Sarah locked eyes with her son. Her baby boy. Was she doing the right thing? Or was she ruining everything for him. No...she had to so this. She had to let him know or else it would haunt her forever.

"Mom?" Steve whispered

"Steve...I...I can't let you make the same mistake I did" Sarah replied with a frown

Steve gave a confused look "I don't understand"

"Steve...I can't let you marry Brandon. Please Steve...do what's right and think about what you are about to do" Sarah replied sadly

Steve was in shock. Never in a million years would he ever think these words would leave his mother's mouth.


	18. Just Like This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want all my readers to know that this week will be my last update for this chapter  
> I will be back to finish it and if I come back earlier well good.  
> Last night I got the sad news that my grandfather passed away in his sleep  
> He was my last grandparent left and I will miss him deeply.  
> Now...on to this update

"Mom what are you saying? I thought you liked Brandon." Steve replied in shock

"I do like him. He isn't a bad man. Look what am saying is don't marry for the wrong reasons or don't marry him because you feel like you have to. Don't make the same mistake I did" Sarah replied softly

"I don't understand. You and Dad were great together." Steve replied softly

"Steve I loved your father...very much. But I had to learn to love him...see my heart belonged to someone else. And when that boy broke my heart and ran off to marry another woman is destroyed me. So when your father and I started dating I always thought what if...what if I tried harder to make that boy love me. I loved being married to your father but that boy who broke my heart was always on my mind and it was so unfair to your father. We had our problems but me and your father agreed that we couldn't let you see them" Sarah replied softly 

Steve sighed sadly "Mom...I.."

Sarah cupped Steve's face "Your heart belongs to another and it always will. You know that no one could ever replace James...and that's okay. Some people don't get over their love for someone even though that someone is no longer here. Steve when James died I knew that a part of you died with him...you changed and never got back to be the same person. I don't hold that against you...and I won't force you to move on. James was and still is the love of your life and I get that"

Steve sighed "But he isn't coming back mom. And I'm scared to be alone...see I know that me marrying Brandon is going to take some time to adjust to but I just. I just don't want to be alone forever and it's not like Bucky is coming back. I do love Brandon...but I would be lying if I said I was in love with him. I'm in love with the way he comforts me when I'm down and I'm in love with how he makes me feel wanted" 

Sarah frowned "But baby that isn't a reason to get married. Not at all"

"You know before Bucky died he told me that if anything happened to either one of us that we would promise each other that we would never let one of us dying take over our life. That we would try our best to continue to move on and love with our whole hearts and if we found love then so be it. And to love that person with every fiber of our being...but to never forget each other. Mom I made a promise...I can't break that promise. No matter how much it hurts" Steve replied his voice breaking.

"Steve please...just think..." Sarah was cut off by Steve kissing her cheek sweetly

"I have to mom...please just understand and be there for me" 

Sarah felt tears pooling at the corners of her eyes "I'll always be there for you babe. I love you and whatever you decide to do...I will support you"

Steve embraced his mother and began to cry "I love you mom"

Sarah let the tears roll down her cheek "I love you too"

*Later On*  
Steve walked into his apartment. Brandon wasn't home yet and secretly he was a bit happy about that. Steve just wanted a moments peace for once.

Steve threw his keys on the counter and removed his jacket setting it on one of the kitchen chairs. Steve then walked to his bedroom and threw himself on his bed. His mind was racing...he was about to marry Brandon in a few days and instead of feeling happy he was now more conflicted than ever.

"Want to talk about it?" a voice whispered softly

Steve turned over in his bed and came face to face with Bucky lying right beside him. Bucky smiled softly and caressed Steve's face just like he always did when Steve was down and feeling depressed.

Steve shook his head no and pulled Bucky closer to his and wrapped his large arms around his waist.

"Steve" Bucky whispered softly 

Their foreheads pressing up against each other and their eyes locked together.

Steve moved a strand of hair from Bucky's face and then captured his lips in a passionate kiss. Bucky whimpered into the kiss...he had to admit it took him by surprise but having Steve's lips on him again always made him feel alive inside.

Steve then grabbed Bucky by the waist and pulled him right atop of him with ease. Their lips still locked together and their hands now laced together as well. Steve let his hands crawl under Bucky's shirt...there were parts of Bucky that felt cold and other parts felt warm to the touch. To Steve it didn't matter just having Bucky in this way again was the only thing that was important him at the moment.

Bucky let his one free hand touch Steve's face as he broke the kiss and smiled down 

"I love you Steve" Bucky whispered into Steve's ear

Steve shut his eyes and tried to hold back his tears "I love you too"

It was then that Bucky was about to kiss Steve's lips again until something made him stop. Steve frowned...he knew the reason why already as he heard the front door open. 

"I'm so sorry" Bucky whispered sadly 

"Me too" Steve whispered back and let his eyes slide shut

Steve then opened his eyes and once again Bucky was gone. 

"Babe are you here?" Brandon's voice was heard from the kitchen

Steve sighed and just wasn't in the mood. Steve then got up from the bed and walked to the door slamming the door shut.

"Babe?" Brandon called out concerned

It was then that Steve walked into the bathroom shutting and locking the door behind him and just broke into tears. Everything that Steve had held in over the years from Bucky passing away till now...he let it all out.


	19. This Moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm Back. I'm still adjusting to my grandfather's passing...I take it the best way I can day by day. All I think is that my grandpa wouldn't want me to be sad...rather me be happy and remember him as how he lived and loved. He is not resting and in heaven with my beautiful grandmother.

*Flashback*  
Steve hated the fact that every time he was around Bucky he turned into a tongue tied mess. He looked over at Bucky who looked so beautiful with the sunlight shining off of his face and his brown hair glowing. His intense blue eyes glancing at everyone who passed by and he would show a small smile. 

"It's now or never Steve. Come on...just ask him" Steve thought to himself as he inhaled a deep breath

"I feel like if you think any harder you are going to pop a vein" Bucky said his gaze still locked on the people passing by

Steve chuckled nervously "I'm sorry...listen Buck can I talk to you about something"

Bucky turned and locked his blue eyes on Steve and smiled softly "Of course"

Steve felt his throat go dry and his palms sweat "Look I know that we've gone out on a few dates and umm that we've been spending almost every day with each other since that day we met in school"

"Mhmm" Bucky replied with a smirk

"Well I...I...well I really really like you a lot Bucky. In fact I think it's more that just a like...I think I'm falling in love with you Buck. I think about you when I go to bed at night and you are the first person who I think about when I wake up" Steve replied nervously

Bucky smiled softly as he watched Steve try to pull himself together. It was adorable.

"What I'm trying to say Bucky is that I love you...and I want you to you know be mine" Steve whispered softly

Bucky gave a serious look "I can't be yours Steve"

Steve gave a sad sigh "Oh...oh well it's okay...I understan..."

Steve was cut off by Bucky's lips on his 

"I can't be yours because I thought I already was" 

Steve flashed a huge smile "Your a jerk"

"But you love me anyway" Bucky replied kissing Steve sweetly

"More and more everyday" Steve whispered softly

*End Flashback*

Steve looked at himself standing in front of his bedroom mirror and sighed sadly. 

He always dreamed of this day. And he would always imagine this day being the happiest day of his life...but right now he just felt like there was this huge void right now.

Steve adjusted his tie and tried his best to smile.

"You look so beautiful" a voice said from behind Steve

Steve turned and smiled softly "You really think so"

Bucky smiled "You know I wouldn't say it...if I didn't mean it. Then again you always look beautiful"

Steve smiled softly as Bucky walked up to him and placed his hand on his chest. Steve looked so handsome in his tux...Bucky felt happy for him but at the same time there was that sting of jealousy. He was supposed to be the only man aside from family members to see Steve looking this way in such an intimate moment.

Steve bit his lower lip and raised his hand to move a strand of hair from Bucky's face making Bucky's eye slide shut slowly and place his hand on Steve's.

"Bucky...I...I'm sorry" Steve whispered softly

Bucky kept his eyes closed. He knew that if he opened them he would only see the sadness in Steve's eyes and it would destroy him.

"Sorry for what love?" Bucky asked softly

Steve sighed "Bucky look at me"

Bucky nodded no

"Baby please" Steve pleaded

Bucky sighed sadly and opened his eyes 

"I'm sorry that this is happening. And I'm sorry that you are the only person who I want to share this moment with and I can't. Fuck Bucky...I love you so much" Steve replied his voice breaking

Buck sighed softly and cupped Steve's face "Steve don't you dare apologize for anything. I know that if the circumstances were different it would be us...but this is how it is. Please be happy okay...get married, adopt some kids like we said we would and grow old together" 

"I love you so much Bucky. I mean even though I'm getting married...my heart still belongs to you" Steve replied pulling Bucky into his arms.

Bucky sighed softly and let the tears fall as Steve held him close "I love you too. Always and forever"

Steve released Bucky and laced their hands together. For Bucky this would be the last time...his time was already up. 

"I have to go. I love you" Steve replied kissing Bucky sweetly

Bucky smiled softly and waved goodbye to Steve as he watched Steve walk out of the apartment.

"Are you okay?" A voice said softly

"I think I'm alive Toni" Bucky whispered softly

Toni perked up "Why would you say that?"

"Because feeling this much amount of pain isn't supposed to hurt this much. So the dead aren't supposed to feel...and I feel everything" Bucky whispered sadly

*Later On*  
Steve sat in a quiet room as he waited to be told that they were ready for him. 

"Hey babe. How you feeling?" Sarah asked as she walked in and sat beside Steve

"I'm fine. You look beautiful mom" Steve replied kissing his mother's hand

Sarah smiled "I love you. I just want to make sure your doing the right thing"

Steve smiled sadly "I am. This is what I want"

Sarah caressed her son's face "Then I'm here for you...I'll always be here for you"

Steve pulled his mom into a warm embrace "Thanks mom"

It was then that a friend of Brandon's poked her head into the room

"We are ready for the groom" the girl said with a huge smile

Steve looked at his mother and smiled.

"Guess that's me" Steve said with a soft smile

Sarah smiled "Guess so. I'll see you out there love"

Steve kissed his mother on the cheek and walked out of the room.

Sarah sighed softly and whispered to herself "Please Steve...please just follow your heart"


	20. My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrapping Up my long day with a nice upadte

Steve inhaled a deep breath as he stood at the end of the small chapel aisle. He was feeling an overflow of emotions...but for some reason happiness wasn't one of them. Steve shut his eyes and tried his best to shake off the feeling.

"Are you ready for me to walk you down the aisle babe?" Sarah asked standing behind her son

Steve smiled sadly "Mom...I...I'm scared"

Sarah walked up to Steve and laced her hand with his "Every great thing starts out a little scary, doesn't it?”

Steve smiled softly and nodded "I guess so"

Sarah smiled and inhaled a deep breath "Ready when you are love"

Steve shook his head to reassure her that he was ready and they began to walk down the aisle

At the end of the aisle stood Brandon looking more handsome then ever. The people who attended Steve knew a handful of them but that was it...majority of them were friends and family of Brandon.

Steve finally reached the front of the aisle and hugged and kissed his mother as she let his hand go and took her seat in the front row. Steve turned to face Brandon who reached his hand out for Steve took take. Steve looked down at Brandon's hand and smiled softly...hesitating for a moment Steve finally took his hand.

"You look beautiful" Brandon whispered softly

Steve smiled softly "Thanks"

As the priest spoke Steve looked over at Brandon and sighed. It shouldn't be Brandon standing by his side...it should be Bucky. Bucky the love of his life...his reason for breathing. Bucky who was no longer apart of this world.

"Now Brandon is going to say the vows he has written especially for his beloved Steven" the priest said with a soft smile

Brandon turned to face Steve and smiled softly. Then Brandon began to spoke...but all Steve heard was Bucky's voice

*Flashback*  
Steve hovered over Bucky and kissed him sweetly. Bucky blushed and smiled locking his eyes with Steve's.

"I love you so much Bucky. I don't think I can imagine my life without you in it" Steve whispered softly

Bucky smiled softly "I love you too. I don't think I could ever love anyone like I love you. Your my everything Steve" 

Steve placed a sweet kiss on Bucky's forehead "My Bucky...I'm never gonna let you go"

Bucky couldn't help but tear up hearing those words "Promise"

Steve kissed Bucky sweetly "I promise"

*End Flashback*

"Steve...it's your turn to say your vows" Brandon said with a nervous chuckle

Steve shook his head slightly and locked eyes with Brandon. Steve opened his mouth but nothing was coming out.

"Steve?Baby? Say something" Brandon whispered softly

Steve swallowed the lump in his throat and looked over towards his mother with a soft smile. Sarah understood what was going on and smiled back.

"Brandon I'm sorry...but...I just can't do this. You see I'm in love with someone else and I've never stopped loving him. I'm sorry but I have to go" Steve replied as he kissed his mother goodbye quickly and rushed out of the chapel.

*Meanwhile*  
"Are you ready?" Toni asked softly

Bucky looked over his shoulder and sighed "Don't really have a choice do I. He's getting married and he's happy...at least I'd like to think he is"

"Oh James. I know you don't want to go but there is nothing more I can do. I already bent the rules a little by allowing you to stay around him this long. If I try again...I'll be the one in trouble" Toni replied sadly

Bucky sighed sadly "I know...I just wish I could say goodbye. I wish a lot of things but that's never going to happen is it"

Toni sighed sadly and wrapped her arms around Bucky "I'm sorry James. I wish I could help...but"

Bucky smiled softly "It's okay I understand. And besides you gave me the time I needed...so that's enough for me"

Toni smiled and extended her hand "Well"

Bucky sighed and took Toni's hand "Yeah I know"

Steve rushed up the stairs of his apartment complex and pulled the keys out of his tuxedo jacket. Steve fumbled with the keys...he was shaking.

"Fuck come on" Steve growled out

Finally after fumbling with the keys Steve finally got the door open and shut it behind him.

"Bucky. Bucky are you here? I couldn't do it...I couldn't marry Brandon. Now we can be together forever" Steve said poking his head into every room of the apartment but go no reply.

"Bucky? Baby?" Steve whispered softly

Nothing. No response just the silence and the sound of his breathing. 

It was then that Steve went to the fridge and moved the magnet. Maybe Bucky was still here but just didn't feel like talking. Steve waited and waited but just like the last time Bucky left nothing happened.

"Bucky? Please...you can't be gone again" Steve whispered as the tears began to fall.


	21. Never Let You Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww I Had So Much Fun Writing This Story. And I Hope You All Enjoyed It.  
> So Now The Final Chapter...I Hope You Enjoy It :)

Steve's eyes flew open and he shot up in bed. He was breathing heavily and he was sweating. Steve looked around the room to see he was in his apartment and looked over towards the nightstand beside him. The alarm clock flashed in bright red numbers 9:30 am. 

Steve swallowed the lump in his throat and looked around to fine pictures of him and Bucky in the bedroom. Steve looked down at the other side of the bed to find it empty and sighed softly. Steve got out of bed and slipped on a pair of black pajama pants. The bedroom door was slightly open and Steve could hear sounds coming from the kitchen. Was he going crazy...what the hell was going on. 

It was then that Steve heard the sound of a record player. Record player? The only person who played a record player...Steve suddenly felt his heart begin to race. Steve waited to make sure he was hearing what he was hearing until...

If you're thinkin' of me like i'm thinkin' of you  
Then i know what you're thinkin' of  
If you're lovin' me like i'm lovin' you  
Baby, we're really in love.

That was all Steve needed to hear. The only person who would play a record player and that song...was him. Steve rushed out of the bedroom and made his way into the kitchen. There he was...his hips swaying to the music and humming along to the music. His hair tied back into a small ponytail as he cracked an egg into a bowl. 

"Bu...Bu..Bucky?" Steve whispered softly

Bucky turned quickly hearing the whisper " Steve...crap...did I wake you up?"

Steve didn't respond and just stood there mouth agape. He watched as Bucky rushed to the record player and stopped the music.

"I was going to surprise you with breakfast in bed...but I guess I kinda got lost in my own world" Bucky replied with a sweet smile

Steve still stood there with the same reaction on his face.

"Steve? Are you okay?" Bucky asked with a nervous smile

"It's you...I mean...it's really you" Steve replied softly

Bucky gave a confused look "Uh yeah it's me. Steve...seriously are you okay?" 

"Your alive" Steve replied in shock

Bucky looked a bit taken aback with that comment "Yeah...last I checked was. Seriously though...you really are freaking me out now"

Steve walked up to Bucky and pulled him into a tight embrace making Bucky emit a small "Oof" with how tight Steve held him

"Oh Bucky...it's you. Please don't ever leave me again" Steve cried softly

Bucky gave a shocked gasp but his face softened into a warm smiled as he wrapped his arms around Steve's large frame.

"Oh Steve...you know I would never leave you. I love you. Are you sure you are okay? I've never seen you like this before" Bucky replied as he placed a sweet kiss on Steve's forehead.

"I'm sorry...I just...I just love you so much Bucky" Steve replied softly

Bucky blushed. Steve's heart melted...god he looked so damn beautiful. Even with flour on his cheek, barefoot, shirtless and in blue flannel pajama bottoms.

Bucky kissed Steve once more and smiled "Look how about you go get washed up and I'll serve you breakfast when you get out okay" 

Steve nodded his head and he turned to make his back to the bedroom. Only something stopped him. 

Steve turned back to see Bucky continuing with mixing ingredients in a glass bowl and humming his favorite song from earlier. Steve walked back towards Bucky and tapped Bucky on his shoulder.

"Steve? I thought I told you..." Bucky was cut off with Steve catching his lips in a passionate kiss.

Bucky almost let the bowl slip out of his hands but managed to get a firm grip on it. Steve then took the bowl out of Bucky's hands and placed it on the counter and resumed to kissing Bucky. Bucky whimpered into the kiss feeling Steve's fingers trace down his toned stomach.

Bucky finally broke the kiss and all but gasped for air "Steve? What's the matter with you?"

Steve didn't reply and with ease he picked Bucky up making his gasp and clutch onto him by wrapping his legs around his waist and arms around his neck.

"Steve...where are we going? No Steve the oven is on...the food is going to burn" Bucky protested

Steve walked over and shut off the oven and walked over with Bucky still wrapped around him towards the couch.

Steve fell back onto the couch with Bucky still atop of him.

"Someone woke up in a good mood" Bucky said with a wicked smirk 

"Shut up and just kiss me already" Steve replied his voice deep and stern

Bucky grinned and placed his lips on Steve's and kissed him with everything he had in him. Soon the kissing escalated and Steve slipped his hand inside Bucky's pajama bottoms. Bucky was obviously very alive...and very excited. Steve still couldn't believe this was happening...everything he saw felt real...was it all just a dream.

"Ohh...Steve...fuck please don't stop" Bucky whimpered as Steve stroked him gently

Steve smiled as he saw the look of ecstasy displayed on Bucky's beautiful face his eyes shut and biting onto his lower lip.

Steve then gently pushed Bucky off of him making Bucky whimper in protest.

"Take them off" Steve said softly as he tugged on Bucky's pajama bottoms

Bucky smiled softly and slowly as he to torture Steve he slid the bottoms off slowly kicking them to side. 

"Your hair...let it go" Steve said deeply.

Bucky then reached up and pulled the hair tie out of his hair and his brown hair felt loosely around him. He looked so stunning. 

Steve then stood and slipped out of his pajama pants and tossed next to Bucky's.

"Come here beautiful" Steve said softly

Bucky made his way to Steve and slid into his lap perfectly.

"I love you James Barnes" Steve whispered into Steve's ear

Bucky shuddered "It's Bucky...jerk"

Steve smirked and brought his fingers to Bucky's lips and traced his fingers over them. 

Bucky smiled "You asking me to do something for you Rogers?"

"I don't know. What do you think?" Steve said with a smile

Bucky got the hint and took Steve's fingers into his mouth. Once Steve thought they were ready enough he removed them from Bucky's mouth with a wet pop.

Steve then slid a finger deep inside Bucky making his breath hitch in his throat and his fingers grip firmly into his skin. 

"Steve don't tease...I'm ready enough as it is" Bucky whispered softly

Steve smiled and placed a kiss on Bucky's neck 

"Well if you want it...take it" Steve whispered

Bucky didn't have to be told twice and he wrapped his hand around Steve's dick using his the leaking pre-cum as lubricant and slowly lowered himself down onto Steve.

Both Steve and Bucky moaned out at the feeling. It felt amazing...the connection was so intense it took everything in them to not lose themselves right then and there.

"Ohh Steve...fuck. God...you always feel so fucking wonderful" Bucky moaned out as he began to ride Steve up and down slowly.

Steve moaned and ran his fingers in Bucky's hair inhaling the very scent that was Bucky. He still couldn't grasp what was happening but he didn't really care at this point all he cared about was he had Bucky now and nothing else in the world seemed to matter.

Steve groaned out as Bucky began to increase his rhythm of riding Steve faster and deeper. Steve knew that he wasn't going to last much longer...he had to much adrenaline and excitement building up inside him.

"Fuck Bucky...I love you so much" Steve growled out

Bucky felt his end coming soon as he bit down onto Steve's shoulder and came between his and Steve's stomach. Steve soon followed coming deep inside Bucky. 

"Where did that come from?" Bucky asked trying to catch his breath

"I don't know...but I'm hungry now" Steve replied with a smile

Bucky chuckled "Figured you would say that"

*Later on That Day*  
Steve looked over at Bucky as they walked in the park hand and hand. Steve just couldn't keep his eyes off of Bucky...this was real...he was really here.

Bucky looked over at Steve as they kept walking

"What?" Bucky asked with a playful glare

"Nothing...you just look beautiful" Steve replied with a smile

"You already got laid...so stop kissing my butt Steve" Bucky replied with a grin

Steve chuckled and pulled Bucky into his arms.

"I'm not trying to get into your pants again Buck...I mean it you look beautiful and I love you very much"

"I love you too" Bucky replied lacing his hand with Steve's

Soon Steve and Bucky found themselves in a nearby coffee shop. Bucky waited outside while Steve went it to place their orders.

Steve wasn't paying attention and didn't realize he was next.

"Excuse me...are you ready sir?" a female voice said softly

"Yea...sorry...I jus..." Steve's eyes grew wide

It was her. The same woman from his dream. The woman he saw always talking to Bucky.

"Umm...hello. Can I get you something?" the woman asked

Steve looked at her name tag...in his dream she was Toni. But her name tag read Alice.

"Umm sorry...yeah can I get two vanilla lattes please" Steve finally managed to reply

"Coming up" Alice replied with a smile

After waiting Steve's order was finally ready. 

"Two vanilla lattes. Enjoy Steve" Alice said with a smile

"Thanks...wait how do you know my name?" Steve asked in shock

"I don't know. You look like a Steve" Alice replied with a smile

"Huh...well good guess" Steve replied as he turned to walk out of the shop.

Steve then stopped he had to ask her...Steve turned around and she was gone.

Steve walked up to the counter "Excuse me? Where did Alice go?" 

"Alice? We've never had an Alice here. Maybe a different shop?" the young man replied with a smile

"Yeah. Maybe" Steve replied with a nervous smile

Steve then walked out and found Bucky sitting at one of the tables waiting for Steve. 

"Here you go babe" Steve said with a smile on his face handing Bucky his coffee

"Oh thank you" Bucky replied as he inhaled the lovely smell with a smile

"You didn't by any chance bring one of those tiny straws did you" Bucky asked with a smile

"Danm I forgot...hang on be right back" Steve then rushed back inside

Of course Bucky had to be the one to drink his coffee out of those small straws...but it was just something he was used to.

Steve grabbed a straw and stuffed it inside his pocket. 

"Hey" a voice said from behind Steve

Steve turned and there she was again. She reached over and patted Steve's pocket.

"Make it count" Alice whispered with a smile

"What are talking about?" Steve asked confused

"You'll see in a bit" Alice replied with a smile

Steve looked around...was he the only one seeing this woman. Steve then turned back to face Alice...but again she was gone.

"Okay...I really need to lay off the caffeine" Steve thought as he rushed back outside and back to Bucky

"Did they have any" Bucky asked with a smile

Steve reached into his pocket and pulled out the straw. It was then reaching into his pocket Steve felt something else. Steve handed Bucky his straw and turned around to pull out what the other item was in his jacket. It was a black box...in that box was a ring.

It was an engagement ring. So that's what she meant by making it count. It was her...it was the same woman from his dream. 

Steve smiled softly "Well let's make it count"

Steve turned around and looked at Bucky who was sipping away on his coffee

"Steve are you okay?" Bucky asked softly

"You look nervous" Bucky added with a concerned expression

Steve looked around and looked at the people who were outside enjoying their coffee's. He was not one to make a scene...but at this point he didn't care.

"Bucky...you know I love you very much. And I can't imagine my life without you. Your my heart, my soul and the air that I breath. I guess what I'm trying to say is..." Steve slowly got down on one knee

The people around gasping, some crying and of course the awws were heard. 

"Steve...oh my god" Bucky gasped in shock 

"James" Steve replied

Bucky gave a glare.

"Bucky...will you marry me and be mine forever?" Steve asked opening the box to reveal a beautiful silver engagement ring

Bucky smiled "I would love nothing more"

Steve smiled and slid the ring on Bucky's finger "Perfect"

Bucky stood from his seat and kissed Steve sweetly

"I love you...you cheeseball" Bucky whispered softly

People clapped for the two as both Steve and Bucky blushed.

"You ready to get out of here and celebrate out engagement" Steve asked lacing his hand with Bucky's free hand

"Sounds like a plan" Bucky replied as grabbed his coffee

Steve and Bucky walked down the street hand and hand. Steve leaned over and kissed Bucky's cheek.

"My Bucky...never let you go"

**Author's Note:**

> *Be Gentle* (eye twitch)


End file.
